Turning Down the Sound at Movie Theaters

Movies are supposed to be better than television; otherwise, why would we pay $5 to get in?

The picture is supposed to be bigger and brighter and sharper. What is happening on the screen is supposed to be sexier, more exciting, more thought provoking.

And unlike any television set or home stereo, the sound is supposed to envelop and overpower you. Sound is what the movie industry is promoting nowadays--clearer, sharper, noise-reduced sound that comes from all directions, even from behind.

But what’s the big deal? As long as I can remember, sound has always come from behind you in movie theaters. I experienced this audio sensation only last weekend at a theater in Costa Mesa as I watched “Desperately Seeking Susan.” (Not a bad movie, by the way.)

The multi-directional sound had a great effect on the impact of the dialogue. I wasn’t taking notes, but generally it went like this:

From the screen: “Listen, Susan, I don’t want anything dramatic, OK?”

“I promise, Des.”

From behind: Munch, munch, munch, chew, chew.

“You can stay here one night, that’s it.”

“Thanks, Des,” and they start up the apartment stairs.

Is this where the boyfriend comes in?

No, that’s later. Her husband finds out she’s a hooker before that.

A hooker?

Yeah, but she’s not really. (This is followed by the gargling of a straw as it vacuums the bottom of a Coke cup).

Des, aghast that his old girlfriend is hauling away all the apartment furniture: “How could you do this?”

Girlfriend: “It’s my stuff, Des.”

Who’s she?

His old girlfriend.

“Some of it’s mine. Why couldn’t you call or something?”

“I’ll mail you a check.” (Exit.)

Des, gazing at the room, then looking into the kitchen: “Oh, noooo.”

She took the refrigerator.

“She took the refrigerator.”

Beep, beep, beep, beep, beep (continuing for about 20 seconds while someone tries to turn off his wristwatch alarm.)

Mom, can I have another Coke?

No.

Why not?

No!

And on and on and on.

Maybe it’s just because I’m getting older, which means I’m getting crankier, but it seems to me the talking in movie theaters has been getting worse in the past few years. Little kids and dim grown-ups have always had to have the plots explained to them, but lately it seems much of the chatter has nothing to do with the movie.

During “Desperately Seeking Susan,” for example, the husband asks the wife to drive down that day and have a radio installed in his car. At that point, the man sitting in front of me turned to his wife (I guess) and asked, in normal conversational volume, “What kind of car radio does your brother have?”

“I don’t know,” she said. “It came with the car.”

“I know,” he said, “but is it a cassette? Does it play tapes?”

“I think so,” she said. She turned to the woman on her left. “What kind of a radio does Brad have in his car?” she asked.

“I don’t know,” the woman said.

This conversation, spoken as if these people were in their living room watching TV, went on for more than a minute. I got the feeling that they did not realize they were disturbing the people around them. They just didn’t give it a thought.

There must be a way to solve this problem.

I’ve tried asking people to keep their voices down, but it has met with only partial success. Some do it, and a few even apologize, but others resent it as infringement of their constitutional right to be jerks.

I know of at least one theater that before each show plays a short that pokes fun at people who talk in movie audiences. There are usually some people in the audience who applaud loudly when it’s over. I sat in front of one of those applauding couples, and they talked through both features.

You can always complain to the manager, but it seems such a nerdish thing to do. And I can’t imagine a theater manager reprimanding a couple of talkers when half the audience is doing the same thing.

You can move, but the talking faction always seems to have the good seats.

The movie industry, which wired drive-ins so the sound comes through your radio, could do the same to real theaters. Your Walkman earphones would blot out the talk around you, but you’re not going to get those six channels of THX sound.

You can appeal to technology, wait to rent the movie and watch it at home, but then it’s going to look like TV, not a movie.

Perhaps the real solution is to treat talkers as we have smokers. All theaters should be mandated to establish talking and non-talking sections and to enforce the regulations.

Ideally, the non-talking section would extend from the doors at the back of the theater to the first row.

The talking section would be in the parking lot.