STAGE REVIEWS : ‘ARTS’ FAILS TO GO THE DISTANCE

Two “literary terrorists” break into J.D. Salinger’s cabin in the woods and demand in the name of the Readers that he hand over everything he’s written since his last story came out 25 years ago in The New Yorker. Come on, Salinger! We’re not bluffing!

It sounds like a Woody Allen short for the same magazine. Could it make a two-act comedy? Possibly, but Susan Miller can’t take it the distance in “Arts and Leisure” at the Cast-at-the-Circle Theatre.

Miller’s wittiest idea is have Salinger (William Schallert) greet his intruders characteristically--in silence. Can we dare to hope that he’ll foil their plot without saying a single word? What a lovely gesture of respect for a writer’s privacy that would be. Of course, it’ll demand clever plotting.

Plot is not the strong point of “Arts and Leisure.” In fact, playwright Miller pretty much waves away the situation, once she has roughed it in. When Schallert’s Salinger wanders off in the middle of the play to take a nap, it’s clear that our terrorists--Sam Anderson as a strung-out American Lit prof and Corinne Bohrer as an eager grad student--couldn’t terrorize a kitten.

Too bad. A bit of tension--however goofy--might have helped sustain at least a slight sense of belief in the proceedings. Without it, the viewer is forced to conclude that Salinger is putting up with this nervous nerd and his doe-eyed accomplice, not because he’s charmed by them, but because Miller has some ideas to share with the audience about the joys and woes of Being a Writer.

Rather than a play, what we have here is an update on that ancient form, the literary dialogue. This puts a burden on the ideas to be uncommon and the language to be sharp, and neither is the case here, although one can agree with everything that’s said. Yes, the crafting of words is a lovely and lonely business. Yes, teachers have to be good performers. Yes, today’s young people need heroes. . . .

All true, and not enough to hold the stage as living speech. Under Jules Aaron’s direction, the cast does its best to humanize the symposium, with Anderson the most effective as the apprehensive professor, who we do feel is a man at the end of his rope.

Bohrer tries not to make her lines sound like lines; but they do. Schallert solves the problem of playing Salinger by playing Fred Astaire instead--an attractive “older man” in L.L. Bean togs who could charm the birds off the trees, and has no trouble at all charming a professor’s girlfriend.

Schallert even sings a chorus of “ ‘Swonderful,” accompanying himself on the spinet piano that is a feature of Mark Donnelly’s attractive pine-paneled set. I didn’t believe it, but it was at least a moment of activity, in a play too full of words. Words are all a playwright has, of course. But in a play about Salinger, they ought to be special.

‘ARTS AND LEISURE’

Susan Miller’s comedy, at the Cast-at-the-Circle Theatre. Produced by Phillip Raymond Howe and Ted Schmitt. Set Mark Donnelly. Lighting Paulie Jankins. Costumes Ann Bruice. Sound Leonora Schildkraut. Production stage manager Diana Gibson. With William Schallert, Sam Anderson, Corinne Bohrer. Plays at 8 p.m. Thursdays-Saturdays, at 7 p.m. Sundays. Tickets $12. 800 El Centro Ave. (213) 462-0265.