Yeoman, 56, Still Has a Bit of Ham in Him

According to Blackie Sherrod of the Dallas Morning News, Bill Yeoman, the 56-year-old University of Houston football coach, told this story at a recent kickoff luncheon:

“Some of these coaches have hinted I ought to retire. They presented me with a rocking chair and all that. Maybe they’re right. When you get older, of course, you may not retain as much.

“I have in mind the old couple sitting on the porch one night, and the woman said she felt like a sundae and asked if Pa would mind going to get her one. ‘Sure,’ he said.

“ ‘Well, get a pencil and write it down,’ ” she said.

“ ‘I can remember,’ he insisted.

“ ‘Well, I want vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup--you better write it down or you’ll forget.’

“ ‘No, I can remember. Vanilla ice cream, chocolate syrup and . . . ‘

“ ‘Whipped cream and a cherry on top. Got all that?’

“The husband assured her, and a half-hour later he returned and handed her a sack. She pulled out a ham sandwich.

“ ‘I told you to write it down,’ she said. ‘I wanted mustard.’ ”

The St. Louis Cardinals traded Keith Hernandez to the New York Mets in June 1983 for relief pitcher Neil Allen. After the Cardinals lost relief ace Bruce Sutter to the Atlanta Braves via free agency before this season, the Cardinals were hoping that Allen could fill the void. He didn’t and was traded to the New York Yankees a month ago for a minor league player to be named.

St. Louis’ 19-game winner, Joaquin Andujar, says this about Allen in the September issue of Sport magazine: “Someone with a weak mind like Neil Allen will go into a slump for two months. If he had a strong mind, I think Neil Allen would be a good pitcher. He gives up too easy. He’s too nice of a guy. In baseball, you can’t be nice when you cross the white line.”

From Milton Berle: “My doctor told me that jogging would add 10 years to my life, and I think he’s right. I feel 10 years older already.”

When amateur Scott Verplank won the Western Open two weeks ago, his caddie, Jim Allen, 16, of Chicago, missed out on a big payday.

Had Verplank been a pro, Allen would have collected 5% of the $90,000 first prize, or $4,500. But 5% of zero is zero, which is what Allen had coming. But according to Harless Wade of the Dallas Morning News, Verplank reached into his pocket and pulled out all the money he had, which came to about $300.

Allen was delighted. “Just to be on TV and say I was the caddie for the winner of the Western Open is enough,” he said.

Quotebook

Mickey Mantle, on his popularity: “I’m popular because of my name. Mickey Mantle--it sounds catchy. Give my dad credit for that.”