These News Items Really Can’t Go Without Saying

News Item: Chargers trade running back Earnest Jackson to the Philadelphia Eagles for future draft choices.

Comment: Everyone knows Texans think they should live the lives of cattle barons. Mossy Cade (University of Texas) wanted enough money to buy LBJ’s ranch and Eric Dickerson (SMU) expects the Rams to give him a deal as good as the one he had in college. The Chargers had to dispose of Jackson (Texas A&M;) before he came after the oil rights to the Panhandle.

News Item: The Times cancels feature story on Earnest Jackson.

Comment: This was one you didn’t read. It was all set to go when Jackson went. As it turned out, we were able to trade the story to the Philadelphia Inquirer for a 1,200-word feature in 1986 and an 800-word game story in 1987.

News Item: Gary Carter hits five home runs in two games against Padres.

Comment: It’s a good thing he didn’t do it in Chicago. Those Cubby fans would have developed tendinitis throwing the balls back onto the field.

News Item: Padre fans boo when their erstwhile heroes either get Carter out or walk him.

Comment: I don’t blame them. There were still a couple of fans in general admission who had not yet gotten their souvenir baseballs. The poor folks were feeling deprived.

News Item: Chargers trade Mossy Cade to Green Bay.

Comment: Is there really a Mossy Cade? He has been the subject of rumor, conjecture and controversy since the Chargers drafted him in 1984, but I don’t know of anyone who has actually seen him. This could be a case in which the Chargers have given up the ghost.

News Item: San Diego State names a biology professor as its interim athletic director.

Comment: Could be a mistake. He should have been named to the football coaching staff. After all, a chemistry teacher named Knute Rockne did reasonably well as a football coach.

News Item: Dick Williams gets a vote of confidence from Ballard Smith.

Comment: This was a nice gesture on the part of management. Everyone knows how important it is to the skipper that he feel loved and wanted. It was almost as nice as the last time anyone other than his wife or mother sent him a Valentine, which was in 1938.

News Item: Within a six-game span, the Padres lose by scores of 8-5, 7-1, 12-4, 8-3 and 9-2.

Comment: The Padres are discovering something the Chargers have already learned. The Chargers kept changing defensive coordinators, but the problem was always the players they had to coordinate. Tom Bass will be a genius with the right players. Looking for a scapegoat after the postseason debacle of 1984, the Padres dumped their pitching coach. Where is Norm Sherry now? And why is he smiling?

News Item: Doug Wilkerson, 38, is asked to retire by the Chargers. Being a coachable gent, he follows orders and departs.

Comment: I’ll let Dan Fouts handle this one. “He’s not as good as he has ever been,” he said in the Chargers’ 1985 media guide. “He is better. I can’t imagine him getting old, he stays in such good shape.” Thank you, Dan.

News Item: Kaz Deyna, 37, agrees to a new contract with the Sockers.

Comment: Beware of that 38th birthday. It must be like hitting the 20th mile in a marathon.

News Item: The agent for running back Gary Anderson describes the Chargers’ offer of $2 million for four years as totally unacceptable.

Comment: I agree. I wouldn’t pay him more than $1.2 million for four years. It is kind of the agent to be looking out for the Chargers’ best interests.

News Item: Dennis Conner unveils a new 12-meter named Stars and Stripes.

Comment: He didn’t quite unveil all of it. The keel is a secret, and will remain a secret. Stars and Stripes could not be guarded any more closely if President Reagan was on board.

News Item: Doug Scovil is in the fifth year of a five-year plan at San Diego State.

Comment: He never should have put himself in such a spot. He should have announced that he had a 10-year plan for getting the Aztec program going.

News Item: Karen Davis, 15, continues her battle for an opportunity to play football.

Comment: Unfortunately, she has set her sights on playing for Helix High School. Hasn’t she heard about the Chargers’ youth movement?

News Item: Linebacker Billy Ray Smith kicks winning field goal for Chargers against New Orleans.

Comment: Perhaps Billy Ray should also be the backup quarterback.

News Item: Kurt Bevacqua and Tom Lasorda are in the midst of another of their verbal jousts. Lasorda says people grow beards to hide ugliness and Bevacqua says Lasorda should have hair all over his body and Lasorda says Bevacqua’s face could hold three days of rain and Bevacqua says . . .

Comment: None. It’s not my turn. It’s Bevacqua’s turn.