Blueberries and Razzberries

Donald T. Regan may have been born in Cambridge, Mass., may be Harvard class of ‘40, may have been a big deal with Merrill Lynch for 35 years along with all its Wall Street boardroom coziness, but he’s still a good ol’ boy. He’s a good ol’ boy from the same school as that fellow down in Mississippi who asked Geraldine Ferraro, nominee for vice president of the United States, if she could cook a blueberry muffin. The best line of the campaign was, in fact, when she retorted, “Can you?”

Don Regan is a good ‘ol boy who believes that the woman’s place is in the home and that the First Lady’s place is right there one respectful step behind the First Guy, “encouraging him to be up for it, watching his moods, his health, his diet, his hours of sleep--things of that nature so that he is in good shape.” You know the line, behind every man is a . . . the pretty-woman syndrome. After all, this summit stuff is grueling on the guys, Regan said. They need someone to pump ‘em up for the rough one-on-one.

Don Regan is the fellow who knows the value of the woman’s role, of what women are interested in. He said this past weekend, for instance, that the role of Mrs. Reagan and Mrs. Gorbachev is to provide the right atmosphere and to create summit interest for women. Women, he added, are not going “to understand throw weights or what is happening in Afghanistan or what is happening on human rights. Some women will, but most women--believe me, your readers for the most part, if you took a poll--would rather read the human-interest stuff of what happened.” There was even one report that Don wanted to leave the Little Ladies at home.

At Geneva on Wednesday the President insisted that his chief of staff’s remarks were misinterpreted. Soviet leader Gorbachev had a more politic and accurate observation: that men and women in both countries are interested in peace and, therefore, in specific cuts in weapons. Women have been in the responsible forefront of arms-reduction movements in this country and elsewhere for years.

In case Don Regan hasn’t noticed, Raisa Gorbachev has a Ph.D. in philosophy and Nancy Reagan can have an immediate effect on White House staffers’ futures. Who knows, maybe Raisa can even bake a mean blueberry muffin. Can you, Don?