Reading Media Guides Is Baseball’s Version of Trivial Pursuit

They’re called media guides, and they’re published by every team in the big leagues.

They’re put together by people who often are referred to in the paper as “a Dodger official” or a “Brave spokesman,” but actually have names, like Ned Colletti and Robin Monsky, Jay Horwitz and Rich Griffin, Steve Brener and Toby Zwikel.

Media guides are filled with every statistic imaginable, and many you couldn’t dream up if you stayed awake nights reading the Baseball Encyclopedia. And then there’s the trivia, giving you everything from Dodger Mike Marshall’s shoe size, 14, to the name of the first player who wore glasses, William H. White, a pitcher for the Boston Braves in 1877.

The guides are designed to make life easier for your average reporter or broadcaster. But the time has come for the media to stop keeping all this data to themselves.

So, as a public service, here is a 1986 guide to the media guides, National League version, or, “How to Know as Much as Ross Porter and Win More Bar Bets.”

He’ll take his sushi with grits on the side: Manager Davey Johnson of the New York Mets is the only man ever to hit behind both Henry Aaron and Sadaharu Oh.

He’ll take his egg rolls with grits: Wilver Stargell, now a coach with the Atlanta Braves, owns a restaurant in Pittsburgh called Ameri-Chin, which serves American and Chinese food.

But does he do windows?: Chicago Cubs pitching coach Billy Connors has been a private detective, a substitute schoolteacher, an amateur basketball referee, a waiter in an Italian restaurant, a civil defense worker and an oil-field worker.

Game called on account of a hole in the ground: Cincinnati Reds catcher Bo Diaz’s Little League team was one game away from a trip to the Little League World Series when an earthquake leveled his town and prevented the team from leaving Mexico.

Best reason for his off-season job: San Diego Padres batting coach Deacon Jones works in the flame-retardant business. He got into it after his house burned down.

There ought to be a law against it: Montreal Expos infielder Vance Law, the son of former Pirate pitcher Vern and VaNita Law, has four brothers--Veldon, Veryl, Vaughn and Varlin. His sister’s name is VaLynda, and his dog’s name is Victor. Vance’s nickname? Vince, which is what a confused teammate called him.

But they make great lamps: Pittsburgh Pirates catcher Tony Pena broke 14 bats in seven days.

Two guys you wouldn’t invite to a family funeral: According to the Pirates’ guide, Rafael Belliard “always has a smile on his face,” and Benny Distefano “always wears a smile.”

But you might give Joe Lefebvre a call: Lefebvre, an outfielder and first baseman for the Philadelphia Phillies, owns a flower shop in Orange, Conn.

They knew better than Gooden: The four players picked ahead of Dwight Gooden in the 1982 draft were Shawon Dunston, Chicago Cubs; Augie Schmidt, Toronto Blue Jays; Jimmy Jones, Padres, and Bryan Oelkers, Minnesota Twins.

They knew better than Dawson, too: Expo outfielder Andre Dawson, a three-time All-Star, was turned down for a tryout by the Royals Baseball Academy, run by the Kansas City Royals, because he was too slow.

Wise guys: Padre Manager Steve Boros has a degree in literature from the University of Michigan. Atlanta Braves infielder Paul Zuvella was class valedictorian at Samuel Ayer High School in Milpitas, Calif. Expo coach Ken Macha has a degree in civil engineering from the University of Pittsburgh. Met pitcher Ron Darling is just a couple of credits short of a degree in history from Yale. He specialized in Southeast Asian and French history.

He loves ‘em, yeah, yeah, yeah: Met pitcher Bruce Berenyi specializes in Beatles’ history.

All he needs is love: Outfielder Brad Komminsk of the Braves, when asked whom he’d most like to meet: “A wife.”

Great bloodlines: Nelson Doubleday, chairman of the board of the Mets, is the great-great nephew of Abner Doubleday, credited with inventing the game of baseball.

Great bloodlines, II: Expo shortstop Hubie Brooks is the grandson of Leandrus Brooks, who played for Philadelphia in the Negro National League.

Family affair: Dale and Yogi Berra have hit more home runs, 405, than any other father-son combination in baseball. Buddy and Gus Bell are second with 362.

Putting the world in the Series: St. Louis Cardinals pitcher Danny Cox, a native Englishman, became the third European-born pitcher to start a World Series game last fall. The others were George Calmers, Scotland, for Philadelphia in 1915 and Bert Blyleven, the Netherlands, for Pittsburgh in 1979.

Divine inspiration: Before every season, St. Louis Cardinals outfielder Willie McGee’s father, a deacon in the Pentecostal church, anoints McGee’s hands and feet with sacred oil and blesses them to keep them from being hurt.

A vine grows in Chicago: Bill Veeck bought and planted the original ivy on the walls of Wrigley Field in 1938.

Player most likely to wind up in a made-for-TV movie: Expo infielder Rene Gonzales worked as an usher at Dodger Stadium for three years. Now, all Gonzales has to do is make the Expos.

Team most likely to win a pickup game of basketball: The Padres. Outfielder Tony Gwynn was a point guard for San Diego State, and pitcher Tim Stoddard was a forward on North Carolina State’s NCAA 1973-74 championship team.

Guy you’d most like to go fishing with: Pitcher Rick Camp of the Braves, who pulled a companion to safety when their boat overturned in the Coosa River in the winter of 1977.

He not only could pitch, he used to be skinny, too: Dodger Manager Tom Lasorda, 0-4 lifetime in the big leagues, once struck out 25 batters in a 15-inning game while pitching for the Schenectady, N.Y., Blue Jays in 1948.

He’s a lucky guy: Golfing Dodger first baseman Greg Brock made a hole-in-one and won the free use of a car for a year.

Future candidate for the All-Name Hall of Fame, or where have you gone, Razor Shines?: Cub outfielder Nehames (Pookie) Bernstine. Pookie is also one of the few guys who never played baseball in high school.

He sent the doll to the electric chair: Dale Murphy, the Braves’ All-American boy, served on a federal jury last year. Befitting his image, the case assigned to him involved the ownership rights to the marketing campaign of Cabbage Patch dolls.

She wasn’t too fast for him: Tim Raines, the Expo outfielder and premier base-stealer, and his wife, Virginia Hilton, ran on the track teams at Seminole High School in Sanford, Fla.

Better than the Deadbeats: Horace Fogel, owner of the Phillies in 1910, led an unsuccessful campaign to change the name of the team from Phillies (“too trite”) to the Live Wires.

When he was 8, they asked him to write an essay, “What I Did on My Summer Vacation” and he turned in a novel: Dodger pitcher Jerry Reuss wants to write a book, perform in Las Vegas, try serious acting and become a four-decade player.

A brush with history: Met first baseman Keith Hernandez, a Civil War enthusiast and an amateur painter, has done portraits of Robert E. Lee and Stonewall Jackson.

The All-Canadian game: The Montreal Expos have had four Canadians on their roster. The Philadelphia Phillies have had 10.

Best place to buy a beer and talk baseball in Plainview, Neb.: The Shortstop liquor store, owned by Met bullpen coach Vern Hoscheit.

Best nickname: Shawon (Thunder Pup) Dunston. First runner-up: Jeff (Yak-Yak or Terminator) Reardon. Second runner-up: Gilberto (Onion Head) Reyes.

Great omens of our time: In 1972, Kiteman crashed into the center-field seats while delivering the Phillies’ first ball for opening day. In 1973, Kiteman crashed in center field. In 1980, Kiteman made it to home plate, and the Phillies won a World Series for the first time ever.

Downhill ever since: In his major league debut with the Milwaukee Braves in 1955, pinch-hitter Chuck Tanner hit a home run on the first pitch. No National Leaguer has done it since. Tanner, now the Braves’ manager, hit 20 home runs in his career.

The Hans Brinker of baseball: Pirate outfielder Lee Mazzilli won the St. Louis Silver Skates competition in 1965, ’66 and ’67.

Rained out: There have been just 14 rainouts in the 17-year history of San Diego’s Jack Murphy Stadium.

Rained in: The Pittsburgh-Houston game in the Astrodome was called because of rain June 15, 1976. The Pirates and the Astros were there, but flooding caused by 10 inches of rain kept umpires, stadium personnel and fans from getting to the ballpark.

All modesty aside, I ought to be on the cover: According to his biography, owner Ted Turner of the Braves often is described as a “modern-day hero among today’s masses.”

I ought to be on the cover, II: A biography of Schottzie, the St. Bernard belonging to owner Marge Schott of the Reds, appears on Page 4 of the team’s guide. Dodger owner Peter O’Malley’s biography is on Page 79 of the Dodger guide.

If San Francisco Giant fans are wondering why there’s no trivia from their team, it’s simple. Their media guide hasn’t been sent out yet. First, the Giants had to get the answer to some pertinent trivia--where they were going to play this season.