Dog -Barking Rights Should End Where My Ears Begin

By now we all know that “your right to swing your arm ends where my nose begins.” But what about your right to leaf-blow, lawn-mow, tree-saw and, most of all, let your dogs bark? I say that these rights end where my ears begin.

I happen to be one of the few people left in my neighborhood who are at home during the day. I work at home. Or I try to work at home. But on any given morning or afternoon there is at least one hired gardener revving up machines as loud as a fleet of helicopters. For what purpose? To cut the grass. To blow a few leaves down 50 feet of driveway. And on weekends the hobby gardeners are out. My neighbor has a mulching machine. Try to relax in your backyard listening to that.

Worse than that is the never-ending noise of barking dogs. In every yard in my neighborhood live one or two dogs. Left home alone all day, fenced in or chained while their owners are away at work, they bark steadily--for entertainment, in grief, misery, desperation, sometimes in wild panic. They bark all day and all night; they bark when they’re bored, they bark when a butterfly sails by, they bark when a door slams or . . . they just bark. It’s a reflex action, like breathing.

I like to take walks in the neighborhood. But as I pass each house a dog (or two) flings itself against the fence in a frenzy, yapping or howling or roaring or growling, as if a line of Soviet tanks had just turned the corner.

At night the dogs bark at intervals, each one inspiring the next. Dog owners don’t seem to mind this disruption: As one neighbor told me (before hanging up on my complaint): “I like to hear him bark! It makes me feel good! It makes me feel secure!” I wonder how she would respond if I told her that banging a Chinese gong (amplified) at 3 a.m. makes me feel good and secure. No doubt she’d call the police.

Here we have another problem. The police seem to believe that dogs are allies in crime prevention. Last year, after we thought that we heard a prowler one night, an officer told us to get a big barking dog: “That will take care of the problem.” I’d like to see a survey of how many barking frenzies per dog per year occur as opposed to how many prowlers drop by per year per household. A burglar alarm would be saner, more fair to neighbors and much more reliable. And if it misbehaved it could be shut up.

My proposals to curb all this noise pollution are simple: For gardener noise, let us institute laws that would limit machine use to one morning per neighborhood per week. For dog noise, let us cut out the vocal chords of dogs.

Before a great outcry arises about “animal rights,” let me say quickly how damaging noise pollution is to human beings. My doctor would be happy to tell you how dangerously one’s blood pressure can rise at the intrusion of constant, piercing yips, how one’s body will sicken without peaceful sleep. My lawyer can tell you how difficult it is to get any legal action taken against barking dogs. In almost every city it’s an effort in futility.

But if dogs can be neutered, they can also be de-barked. It’s a simple operation, quickly accomplished. If dog owners are worried about psychological damage to their muted pets, let them move to the country where their dogs will have to be neither silenced nor fenced. Or possibly to “dog neighborhoods,” where everyone has a barker.

In a civilized society first consideration needs to be extended to human beings, who require peace to think, to work and to sleep in their own homes on their own schedules without being violently assaulted by the sound of meaningless barking and hysterical yapping. Next to clean air to breathe, we need quiet space for healthy lives. Think about it. That is, if you have enough quiet around you to think.