It’s Life Without Father for Moms in Military Service

Down range exercises were hell for Spec. 4 K. Anderson.

The simulated combat maneuvers included two weeks of eating in the rain, hiking over rocky hills, sweltering under a hot sun, toting a 30-pound pack and rifle, sleeping on the ground with a pistol for a pillow.

But all that was easy for the Ft. Carson, Colo., soldier. It was when the division returned to the Army base, dirty and exhausted, that Anderson sat down and cried.

Her 1-year-old daughter didn’t recognize her.

“She was calling my baby sitter ‘mom,’ ” said Anderson, 26, a petite, soft-spoken woman with long brown hair who has never been married. It was last summer but her large brown eyes still fill with tears when she thinks about it.

Now, she is stationed at an Army medical center and no longer has to leave her daughter for weeks at a time.

‘More Independent’

“I think (she’s) more independent now,” said Anderson, smiling sweetly, trying to find something positive in the experience. “She knows mommy’s going to leave, but she also knows I’m going to come back.”

Despite the disadvantages, Anderson likes her soldier-mother life style and now is nursing another daughter born four months ago.

She is one of a growing number of soldiers who keep the war machine oiled and rear children at the same time. She also represents a growing number of single mothers in the military who must support their children without help from the father.

Uncle Sam helps with about 25% of the cost of day care for all military parents, but soldiers like Anderson still find it hard to make ends meet.

“Half of your paycheck goes to baby sitters,” said Anderson, a medical specialist at Fitzsimmons Army Medical Center in Denver. “I work a lot at night, and there is no day care on the base after 5 p.m. I wrote some letters to the commanding general, but so far they haven’t extended the hours.”

Nomadic Life Style

Another drawback to making a home for her daughters is the nomadic nature of Army life. Anderson has been transferred five times in the last 4 1/2 years and faces another move this summer.

She would prefer working at a military medical clinic with regular hours and nights and weekends free to spend with her daughters. But she said one of the first things a soldier learns is to play by the Army’s rules. New mothers may get out of the service if they wish, but if they choose to stay, they must be back at work in four weeks and expect no special treatment.

“With my first child, I was pressured to leave,” Anderson said. “They kept asking me, ‘Are you sure you can handle this?’ But now they don’t say anything.”

She is determined to stay because the military is a secure place to work.

“You know they can’t just fire you,” she said.

And by living on base, she pays no rent. With a family to support, that is important.

“I guess I can’t complain,” Anderson said.

See Positive Aspects

Anderson and other soldier-mothers say there is no irony in practicing motherhood while being part of America’s war machine. They say Army life has positive influences on their children.

“You learn self-discipline in the military,” Warrant Officer Maxine Bond said. “You learn to control yourself better, and you project that to your children.”

Bond, 27, works in supply at Ft. Carson. She helps make sure the 3rd Brigade of the 4th Infantry Division has the tools of war it needs, and she goes wherever it goes.

Computer printout lists of tanks, gas masks and rifles are stacked atop her gray metal Army desk next to several framed pictures of her 3-year-old daughter, Bridget.

Bond is married and lives off base. She says soldiers never take weapons home with them, and her job is one she usually can leave at the post.

“The time I spend with Bridget is quality time,” she says.

She’d Like More Time

But there isn’t as much of it as she would like. In one recent week, she worked two 24-hour shifts.

Bond admits that such separations are hard and says it would be difficult to leave her daughter if the 3rd Brigade was called into action. That is a change from when she enlisted.

“I was 17 then, and it felt like, ‘Take me, I’m ready to go (to war).’ But if I heard her on the phone saying, ‘Mommy, come home . . . . ‘ well, I don’t know.

“But,” she sighed, “when you wear a uniform, there are certain obligations you have, and you make a commitment.”