NCAA Could Give Statistics Recruiters Neglect to Mention

Assorted thoughts, bon mots and cheap shots . . .

The NCAA should make itself useful. In order to assist college recruits in making more informed decisions, the NCAA should publish pertinent statistics on each college and university. The kind of stuff the recruiters sometimes forget to include in the recruiting pitch.

The computerized stat sheet would be compiled and verified by the NCAA and would include figures such as: Number and percentage of athletes, if any, who graduate from the school; Whether or not actual classroom attendance is encouraged; Whether or not actual classroom attendance is allowed; Number and types of arrests and convictions of athletes; Type of drug testing employed by the school, if any; Number of former players who have won the Nobel Prize. . . .

The mother of an athlete who died of cocaine overdose phoned and gave me a few reasons why until two weeks ago a lot of people weren’t aware that coke can kill instantly.

Until recently, she told me, pathology testing wasn’t always sophisticated enough to detect coke overdose, and many such deaths were chalked up to heart attack. Also, the stuff doesn’t always show up unless the coroner is specifically looking for cocaine, so some overdoses got overlooked. And even in some obvious overdose cases, the family is able to keep the news hushed up.

Did You Know Dept.: They would never want it known publicly, but a lot of big league players reject certain teams because of the uniforms. One prominent free agent a few years ago told me he crossed the Cincinnati Reds off his list, even though they were then a dynasty, because of the team rule that the stirrups on the red socks must be worn uniformly low. The White Sox are another team that has been hurt for years by stupid uniforms.

College athletic directors, bless their hearts, want to welcome women into the world of big-time college athletics. So many of the athletic directors invent a feminine version of the school’s athletic mascot. The new nicknames range from merely silly to criminally silly.

For example, the University of Puerto Rico women are the Janes, because the men are the Tarzans. The Angelo State (Tex.) University women are called the Rambelles. I guess the men are called the Rambos.

Some other examples, compiled by Women’s Sports & Fitness magazine:

Wildkittens, Raiderettes, Rebelettes, Savagettes, Trojanes ( not USC), Devilettes, Lumberjills, E-gals, Lady Flashes, Lady Rifles, Buc-kettes, Bulldogettes and Thorobrettes.

Sorry, as yet the UC Santa Cruz women are not Banana Slugettes.

Who compiled the list for the magazine? According to the byline we can give the credit to “the Editorettes.”

But why stop there, athletic directors? Why not get really insensitive and offensive?

UCLA could be the Bruchicks; San Diego State the Lasstecs. At Cal State Long Beach, where the men are the 49ers, the women could be the 36-24-36ers.

Sad prediction: With most colleges heading in the direction of drug testing, the next big scandal will be test fixing.

Lust for money and power has led many institutions of higher learning to routinely cheat on little things such as admissions, grades and eligibility. So what’s to stop them from losing the odd test result, or accidentally mistesting an athlete or two?

But maybe I’m being too cynical.

More drugs: John Chester Williams, a gold medalist archer at the ’72 Olympics and a U.S. coach in ‘84, was arrested after police found marijuana growing in his back yard. They confiscated 27 growing plants, and also found 30 pounds of grass inside the house.

A policeman said, “He (Williams) told us the stuff was for his personal use.”

Grass, of course, is the safe drug. All it does, according to studies, is contribute to lung cancer and lower resistance to injury and disease.

Dr. Forest Tennant, who advises the Dodgers, among other clients, on drug matters, maintains that dope smoking results in many nagging athletic injuries, pulls and sprains and sore muscles. He says many players, without ever realizing it, have smoked themselves out of the game.

At Wimbledon, Pat Cash has been having trouble. He had to ask some women in the grandstand to stop screaming, at least when he’s serving.

I can relate to that. My serve is ugly, too.