Bagging the Last of the Unesthetic

The wise, esteemed city leaders of Glendale have taken it upon themselves to banish hot-dog vendors on the streets, outlaw readable signs on Brand Boulevard, dictate what kind of fences residents may put up, and now (Glendale section, June 26), we learn, to have the final say on architects' plans for any new building project in the city. That is all well and good. But City Council members have overlooked an important obstacle to their beautification efforts, an obstacle which threatens to undermine all their good work.

The obstacle is ugly people. Inquiring minds want to know; what good is an aesthetically pleasing building, one that passed the City Council's inspection, when its clean lines and pleasing facade changes are ruined by some overweight slob coming out the front door? Are we going to stand around and permit ugly people to live in these architectural masterpieces? I demand that the City Council expand its already octopus-like arms further into the community by creating a 10-member Body Design Review Board. Every citizen would have to present themselves before this panel and demonstrate that they met the high standards Glendale has set up for its city and its residents. Ugly, garish, inharmonious and monotonous people would be given three chances to resubmit themselves in a more acceptable fashion. If they fail the third time, paper bags would be placed over their heads, and they would be sent to live in Pasadena.

Only through drastic measures like these can Glendale continue in its bid to become the generic, lackluster community it so dearly desires to be.


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