‘Do You Tease Animals?’ : 95% of the Candidates Fell to Rigorous Screening Tests

Do you like tall women? Have you ever had hemorrhoids? Were you bullied as a child? What is your parents’ attitude toward sex? Do you sometimes tease animals?

I had never been asked these kinds of questions before, not even by my wife. Nor had I given them much thought.

But when I applied to become a San Diego County Deputy Sheriff, I was required to provide volumes of information about such personal areas as my childhood, my sex life, my fantasies, my credit rating, my driver’s record, my religious beliefs and my college roommates.

Included were dozens of questions that seemed trivial at best. Do I prefer a shower to a bathtub? Do I go out of my way to step over sidewalk cracks? Do I like to repair door latches? Do I like “Alice in Wonderland”?

Each year about 1,500 county residents take general aptitude tests to qualify for the sheriff’s arduous pre-employment screening process, which eliminates 95% of all candidates. The next entry exam will be given Sept. 13 at Southwestern College in Chula Vista.

The hiring procedure, which can last several months, consists of seven phases--a written examination, physical agility test, background investigation, psychological screening, medical evaluation, polygraph test and a final interview.

Senior Sheriff’s Department officers said the battery of tests is needed to prevent the department from issuing guns and badges to dangerous people.

“We want to be sure of the product we’re getting when we’re through,” Lt. Bert Moorhead said. “We want these people checked out from every angle so we’ll be happy with them once we get them on board. We’re protecting against getting someone who can’t get along with people, is not safe to put into the community, has psychological problems . . . lacks interpersonal skills, doesn’t pay his bills, beats his wife and so on.”

The following is an account of my journey through the Sheriff’s Department hiring process:

Written examination. Every available seat is taken inside the crowded North County Regional Center cafeteria in Vista, where a wide variety of men and women, many from the military, have gathered to take a basic aptitude test. Many applicants chew on pencils and fingernails as they await the exam. Besides us, hundreds of applicants who took the test in the past year also will be vying for 30 new cadet positions in the academy.

I score 97.8 on the test, which puts me No. 1 on the sheriff’s new Civil Service list of 211 applicants. To qualify for the hiring list, applicants must pass the written and physical agility exams.

Physical agility test. Every candidate must pass a physical agility test that consists of running a timed 99-yard obstacle course and 500-yard dash, dragging a 165-pound lifelike dummy and scaling a six-foot-tall chain-link fence and solid wood wall.

The minimum score required by the California Commission on Peace Officer Standards and Training (POST) is 336 points. I am proud of my 547 points until Training Officer Jack Strumsky tells me the physical agility test “is so simple a paraplegic could pass.”

The average score among the applicants in my group is 516. All but 14 of the 211 people who take the test pass. Twelve of the 14 who fail are women.

Background investigation. Deputy Steve Perone explains that the Sheriff’s Department will leave no stone unturned in investigating my background. He gives me a 25-page packet of background questions that are to be filled out within a week. I am required to tell the Sheriff’s Department every thing about myself, including the regularity of my bowel movements and of any tattoos or other distinguishing marks on my body. In addition, investigators will send confidential letters of inquiry to dozens of friends, co-workers and relatives asking about my honesty, “home life” and drinking habits.

(Following a recent court ruling in a discrimination case, the Sheriff’s Department no longer requires applicants to state if they are homosexuals.)

About one-fourth of all applicants are eliminated by the background investigation. One man applied to the Sheriff’s Department even though he was wanted on a $3,000 theft warrant. He was arrested when he came in for a job interview, Perone says.

Perone asks me to fill out an employment application and questionnaire and among the many questions are whether I have ever committed a crime or used drugs.

Sheriff’s officials say they disqualify more applicants for illegal drug use than any other reason. Anyone who has used cocaine or marijuana within the past year, has a narcotics record, tried hard drugs such as heroin or sold drugs is considered unacceptable for the department.

“Twenty-one years ago when I came on the department, drug usage was just totally unheard of,” Lt. Bert Moorhead says. “We don’t get too many people nowadays who haven’t at least tried something.”

Psychological screening. Along with two other applicants, I am given three tests--the State Trait Anxiety Inventory, the Minnesota Multiphasic Personality Inventory and the California Psychological Inventory.

We are instructed to answer the questions honestly and not to discuss them among ourselves. The test takes three hours.

The other two applicants violate both orders in their quest to determine the most acceptable answer to a variety of puzzling true or false questions.

“ ‘I would like to hunt lions in Africa.’ I wonder what they want for that?” one applicant asks.

The other replies, “That’s another way of saying, ‘I like to hunt humans in San Diego.’ They won’t give you a gun if you put down true.”

Many of the more than 1,000 questions seem like dead giveaways.

I figure if I answer yes to any of the following, my chances of getting hired are slim: I am very strongly attracted by members of my own sex; I believe I am being followed; I cry easily; I am a special agent of God.

But the appropriate responses are not so easily predictable to questions such as these: I like tall women; I have often wished I were a girl; I like to talk about sex; If I were a reporter, I would very much like to report news of the theater.

Dr. Russell Gold says that, while the individual answers to these questions are not significant, they may be important statistically when scoring the overall responses on a variety of behavior scales.

“Some of those questions really won’t tell you anything,” says Gold, one of three psychologists who must approve of every applicant hired by the Sheriff’s Department. “Others are meant to discover an attitude . . . Certainly somebody who is saying ‘I wish I were a girl’ is going to be somebody who is not necessarily comfortable with their sexuality.”

Later, Gold gives me my psychological profile generated from the tests and a 30-minute follow-up interview:

“The applicant may act in a selfish and pleasure-oriented way . . . tends to blame others rather than accept responsibility for problems . . . viewed as aggressive and may act hostile at times, causing problems for others . . . can work independently, act decisively and react under stress . . . becomes bored easily and seeks thrills . . . may have problems keeping a steady pace in life and is likely to be considered unreliable at times . . . may have difficulty with authority and resist convention and rules . . . “

Gold concludes that my profile is a “very stable one” and says I appear to be well suited for law enforcement.

“Psychologically, there is no reason you shouldn’t be a deputy sheriff. But I think they ought to think twice about hiring you. After sitting in the jail for three years, you would go nuts.”

Medical evaluation. The county sends all qualified applicants for deputy sheriff positions through a complete medical examination at the downtown Sharp Rees-Stealy medical clinic. The three-hour testing procedure includes complete eye, ear, breath, blood, urine, cardiovascular, stress and X-ray tests.

I pass all of the examinations except the vision test. My left eye tests at 20/200; a minimum of 20/100 is required to become a deputy sheriff in San Diego. I can appeal the vision results within 30 days by submitting a diagnosis from my personal physician.

Polygraph test. Before hooking me up to the polygraph machine,

Deputy John Pointer poses about 100 questions concerning such areas as my drug use, finances, gambling habits and sexual practices.

“Have you had numerous sexual partners in a short period of time? Three per day? Four per week? Ten per month? Fifty per year? . . . Have you ever had sex with the spouse of a co-worker or business contact? Is it a common occurrence?”

Pointer says the department does not automatically eliminate someone who has slept with a co-worker’s spouse, “But we can’t have that in law enforcement, especially with guys carrying guns.”

Pointer asks me to turn around and face a blank wall as he applies electronic sensors to my chest, arm and fingertips.

“Most people are nervous,” Pointer says. “The people who are not nervous . . . are the ones I worry about . . . The persons who are totally confident in their moral fiber have no real reason to be apprehensive.”

Only about 1% of applicants who make it this far are eliminated by the polygraph exam. Pointer has disqualified applicants after learning they had sexual contact with an animal and sexually abused a young child as a baby-sitter. Another candidate was let go because the polygraph uncovered a fetish for women’s shoes.

I pass.

Final interview. Lt. Moorhead says he usually knows if he is going to hire an applicant before he or she walks into his downtown office for a final interview. But occasionally a candidate who looks solid on paper will flop.

“Some people will come in and have no idea what the hell they’re doing here,” Moorhead says. “They will be very non-assertive . . . the Caspar Milquetoast type. I don’t see them taking charge of a jail floor with 225 inmates on it . . . “

Moorhead has reviewed my file, which has grown to two inches thick, and concludes that I am a strong candidate. He says he likes my minimal drug usage, steady work history and intelligence based on my score on the entrance exam.

But Moorhead has some concerns. My family finances would have to be explored further because of the pay cut I would take to become a deputy. And he says he questions the commitment level of applicants like myself. Sheriff’s administrators feel they need six years of service to get an adequate return on the $15,000 cost to train each deputy.

“From time to time, we will take a chance,” Moorhead says. “I think we’d offer you a job.”