If You Can’t Swing It, Walter, There’s Always the USFL

For those who thought he was already the franchise, consider that Walter Payton, pro football’s all-time rushing leader, is considering buying into a National Football League team when his playing days are over with the Chicago Bears. Perhaps even in London.

The London Daily Express quoted Payton recently saying he might buy a franchise and move it to the British capital, where the Bears beat the Dallas Cowboys, 17-6, in an exhibition game Aug. 3.

But the rusher might be rushing it. “I don’t know if even Walter has enough funds to buy a franchise,” said Chicago attorney Jerry Richman, Payton’s agent.

The last two NFL franchise sales were in the range of $60 million and $80 million, and Payton, who turned 32 on July 25, is in the last year of a multiyear contract that pays him a reported $800,000 a year.

This old-timer’s game happens to be harness racing. Chester Eatmon, of Fredericton, New Brunswick, is 82 and Canada’s (if not the world’s) oldest licensed harness racing driver. The father of 32 children--22 or 23 of whom are still alive; he’s not sure--Eatmon is baffled by his longevity.

“I’m in perfect physical condition,” he said, lighting up another in a chain of cigarettes. “I don’t know what the secret is--I drank for 37 years and I drank hard. I laid out under circus tents, wagons, in box cars and on the river bank. I did everything that could degrade you, including bumming on the streets. And as near as I can remember, I started smoking before I was 8 years old.”

Kids, don’t try this at home.

Herschel holding Trump card: The sudden availability of Herschel Walker, freed from the bonds of the United States Football League, is sending tremors through the National Football League’s Dallas Cowboys, the team that owns his rights. The running back, who made as much as $1.5 million with Donald Trump’s New Jersey Generals, could radically alter the salary structure in Dallas, where the top-paid player, Tony Dorsett, makes $500,000.

In fact, when somebody asked Dorsett how he felt the other day, Dorsett laughed. “Like a million dollars,” he said.

Add Cowbucks: Cowboy owner Tex Schramm, his league having survived a $1.69-billion lawsuit filed by the USFL, is nonplussed by the impending negotiations with Herschel Walker. “When you just had to worry about $1.6 billion, then $1.5 million doesn’t seem so much.” Then, alluding to the token cash settlement the USFL was awarded, Schramm said, “Maybe (Walker) will take $6 instead of $3.”

From Peter King of Newsday: “It’s interesting that the Rams don’t want Doug Flutie. Backup quarterback Hugh Millen is out for the year with a broken ankle, Steve Bartkowski threw an interception in his first Rams’ attempt Tuesday night and Dieter Brock is Dieter Brock.”

Quotebook

Cleveland Browns nose tackle Bob Golic on his attempts to simulate contact during his nine-day holdout: “I had my wife drive our truck into me twice a day. But that got old real fast.”