Carrying On Without Guerrero

Deep thoughts and cheap shots . . .

Now maybe the Dodgers can get back to baseball.

Now that Pedro Guerrero is back on the disabled list, maybe the Dodgers can put real fielders in the field and send up real batters to pinch-hit in clutch situations. And it only took the Dodgers almost two weeks to realize Guerrero wasn’t ready for the Pony League, let alone the National League.

The whole Pedro comeback was strange. The guy shows up in spring training, out of shape and sulking because he has to be there. Then he goes home, then he comes back and goes through the motions, blows out a knee with an indecisive half-slide that is perfectly in tune with his overall approach to spring training.

His absence leaves a terrible hole in the Dodger lineup. But when he returns to action--if you can call it that--five months later, he is accorded a hero’s standing ovation by the Dodger Stadium fans.

Listen, I would never advocate booing an athlete under any circumstance. But a standing ovation? A half-standing ovation would have been more appropriate.

Wouldn’t you love to be there on the historic occasion when John McEnroe’s son throws his first tantrum?

George Foster, on his release by the Mets: “I’m not saying it’s a racial thing, but that seems to be the case in sports these days. When a ballclub can, they replace a George Foster or a Mookie Wilson with a more popular white player.”

But Foster isn’t saying it’s racial.

The Mets exposed themselves as an organization that discriminates against fading .227 singles hitters who show up late for games, refuse to take batting practice and bad-mouth teammates.

When Raiders season-ticket holders opened their packet for the 1986 season, they found mail-order flyers advertising the videotape “Dodgers Way to Play Baseball.”

On Sunday, the Raiders blew it. They ignored Dodger Lesson No. 1: Don’t leave home.

Pedro Guerrero looked sensational in batting practice. He looked pathetic against “live” pitching in the real games.

Listen, I know this has never been done in the history of baseball, but why not prep a guy like Pedro with “live” batting practice pitching?

Instead of letting Guerrero tee off against the grooved lobs of 50-year-old batting practice pitchers, why not bring in a couple good, young arms--college kids, recently cut major leaguers, or an Albuquerque pitcher--and put Pedro in game situations? None of this, “OK, now throw me a curve.”

Batting practice for a ballplayer is like shadow-boxing for a boxer, but what Pedro needed was some sparring partners.

Does Buddy Ryan have something nice to say about everybody, or does it just seem that way?

Pete Rose once had a Coke problem.

For years, Candlestick Park had a large white Coca-Cola advertisement in the outfield. For a left-handed hitter facing a right-handed pitcher, the pitches would come right out of that white background.

“I complained to the players’ association 10 years in a row about that sign,” Rose said. “Finally, they painted it red.”

Prediction: American football will never catch on in England. It’s much too dull and sissified in comparison with the English national pastime--soccer rioting.

Dallas Cowboy football fans are paying $2 to watch daily satellite feeds of Cowboy training camp workouts .

For those dedicated fans, here are some specials coming soon on that same channel: “Danny White Opens His Mail,” “Cowboy Linemen Demonstrate Tape Cutting Techniques,” and “Ride To Glory: Car-Pooling With the Cowboys Cheerleaders.”

Three quotes worthy of being chiseled in Jell-O:

Pat Riley, on getting traded: “It happens to everybody. It might happen to Earvin (Johnson) five years from now.”

Derek Smith, on his hope that the Clippers work a deal that will allow him to play for the Sacramento Kings: “If not, I won’t play basketball this season.”

Peter Johnson, Herschel Walker’s agent: “Herschel isn’t playing football for the money.”

Last Thursday a huge Great White Shark was caught by shark hunters off the East coast. The same day, Greg (The Great White Shark) Norman took a two-stroke lead in the opening round of the U.S. Open.

Some of ‘em you can catch, some of ‘em you can’t.

The Rams don’t need Doug Flutie.

Yeah, sure.

The Rams have two elderly quarterbacks. Neither one could scramble out of the way of a marching band. One has bad knees, the other has a bad back and a suspect right arm.

But the Rams say they don’t need a young, healthy, scrambling quarterback with a Heisman Trophy, some pro experience and a track record for clutch performances.

Or are the Rams merely calling Flutie’s bluff?

The stumbling block seems to be money. Flutie is saying he wants someone to match the money of his monstrous USFL contract or he’ll sit out the season.

Can this be the same Doug the Competitor who was quoted in the Boston Herald last May thusly:

“I want to play football. I don’t care, I’ll play anywhere. The money, the contract, they’re part of it. But if I didn’t have that, I’d still be playing in some sandlot league somewhere. For fun.”