YMCA Family Centers Help Ease the Sting of a Lonely Military Life

OCEANSIDE — A Marine strapped all his gear onto his motorcycle and barreled west from his Kansas home to report for duty. Arriving at Camp Pendleton five days later, the exhausted young man was denied entry to the base because his bike failed to pass muster.

Alone, with nowhere to stash his gear, the Marine felt stymied. Then he remembered the Chalet.

A chalet? In Oceanside, Calif.?

Forget the snow-covered mountains. A huge palm incongruously guards the walkway, but North County’s Armed Services YMCA Chalet, like USO facilities everywhere, offers a homey setting for hundreds of Marines from nearby Camp Pendleton. But the Armed Services YMCA caters to families, while the USO is more geared to single servicemen.

A recent gala commemorated 125 years of service for the national organization. The support for military personnel originated during the Civil War with horse-drawn “Uncle Jake’s Wagons” trundling coffee to battle-weary soldiers. President Lincoln wrote, “I sincerely hope your plan may be as successful in execution as it is just and generous in conception.”

The “just and generous” organization now boasts 26 international branches, each with strong volunteer underpinnings, beckoning to U.S. service personnel from Scotland to Hawaii.

As the profile of the average Marine has changed, Armed Services YMCA has changed to include programs involving married housing, child care, high school diplomas and more. The Chalet, at 4th and Freeman streets in Oceanside, gives single men and women in the military a focus for their free time. Two family centers--Sterling and South Mesa--offer classes, child care, orientation, support and friendship.

“We truly benefit from the services provided by Armed Services YMCA,” said Maj. Gen. Robert E. Haebel, the base commander. “I consider the support provided to be one of the finest alternatives for after-hours activities of our Marines and sailors.”

“We are an extension of the base,” said Judy Harvey, former community relations/volunteer coordinator of the Armed Services YMCA. “Our primary focus is the junior enlisted person and families. This group seems to need us most. They are young, and their income is low.”

The Chalet provides off-duty service personnel with everything from snacks to storage.

“Here at the Chalet, we tell everyone we give them back their first names,” Harvey said. “When they show their I.D. (at the front desk), we say, ‘Hello, Robert’ or ‘Hello, Susan.’ ” In the Marines, use of surnames only is the routine.

At the desk, volunteers like Doris Flum dispense information, help with housing, make change and provide news of the day’s scheduled activities.

“A lot of times, all they need is someone to talk to,” Harvey said. “The guys can also find quiet here. We cater to the young guys fresh out of boot camp.”

First built as a church (it has also been a mortuary), the Chalet today is a sprawling facility with a meeting hall, activity rooms, an outdoor recreational area and administrative offices.

In the phone room, a popular hub on weekends, phone booths line both walls. A rack of nationwide telephone books stretches the length of the room. With a fistful of quarters and dimes, a lonely Marine can reach out to family, friends or sweetheart.

“It (the Chalet) gives a Marine a home away from home where he can kick back and relax,” said Lance Cpl. Bobby Kent from Kosciusko, Miss.

In the TV room, a Marine lies curled in an easy chair, oblivious to the movie flickering across the wide screen. “Sometimes they come in here just to sleep,” Harvey said. “Some do watch the soaps. They love them!”

A rickety piano stands against one wall in the music room, its battered veneer in no way lessening its appeal. Together with guitar accompaniment, the ensuing jam session can ease homesickness and lift spirits.

“There’s a stereotype of the Marine as a non-reader,” said Harvey, pointing to the small reading nook. “Not true. They really enjoy this little library. We always need book donations.”

Of the frequent Chalet outings, Lance Cpl. David Olson of Edina, Minn., said, “They offer weekend and day trips. It’s a good place to meet people and make friends.” On Saturdays, interested Marines pile into the center’s van bound for Disneyland, the San Diego Zoo, Sea World and other entertainment attractions.

The Chalet’s game room looks like a typical arcade--dark, cavelike, with flashy machines vying for attention. This game room generates income for the nonprofit Chalet.

Other Chalet services include preretirement counseling, discount ticket sales, locker rentals, showers, a daily recreation program, table tennis and a basketball court.

“These guys like to get off the base, do something not associated with the military, let their hair down,” Col. Carl Morrison said. “What hair they have, that is,” he added, straight-faced.

Awards attest to the strength of the organization’s services. For the last two years, the North County Armed Services YMCA has received the Blue Ribbon Recognition Award, the highest national award for achievement in programming, sponsored by McDonald’s Corp. Each award garnered the Y $3,000 to support future programs.

In 1985, a first-place Ray A. Kroc award recognized the Holiday Home Hospitality Program through which more than 300 enlisted personnel shared holiday meals and activities with local families in their homes.

A 1984 award highlighted the family program and child care packages. Through the high school completion program, a 19-year-old military spouse with two children was able to pursue her dream--to finish her high school degree and set her sights on college--because of the twofold emphasis on classes and child care.

“We’re proud of the operation of the AS/YMCA in Oceanside and the fact that they’re getting national recognition helps the city, too,” said Oceanside Mayor Larry Bagley.

Sometimes, an observant volunteer can help facilitate a friendship. Harvey recalled how an older introverted Marine and a young recruit found they shared a mutual interest in country Western music. “The older man had a car, and the two ended up going to a concert together. Until then, we hadn’t been able to reach the older man. He felt a sense of purpose. It may seem small, but it was very important to us.”

Classes and services at the Y’s two family centers are designed to meet the needs of service personnel and families.

At the Family Center for Sterling Homes, a 648-unit base housing project, the smell of cookies baking and the rhythmic beat of rock music accompanied a midmorning exercise class. Teri Bunkoske, a former Marine who runs the family center, knows well the needs of military families.

In the nursery, a volunteer soothed a cranky baby, whose mother was working out next door. The well-staffed nursery is stocked with cribs, playpens, toys and rockers.

Through the Supersitter program, Red Cross instructors teach young girls baby-sitting techniques, complete with certification.

“Everybody wins with Supersitters. The young mothers learn parenting by helping, we train qualified helpers, and managers can spot leaders among the young women,” said Harvey, also proud of a parent-instigated baby-sitting cooperative recently begun at Sterling.

LaMaze childbirth classes are given, and expectant mothers whose husbands are deployed overseas can bring a friend along to train with them.

“We have a lot of babies born when husbands are gone,” Harvey said. In addition to LaMaze, classes are also offered in Bible study, sewing and cooking.

Family programs go “on the road” to those living off-base. A “Y on Wheels” van pulls up to front lawns with after-school and summer activities for children.

Many military families live below the poverty level, and with the long separations involved, life can be isolated and lonely. Often the Y spells survival.

“Some of them say, ‘Without the Y, I’d be dying,’ ” Harvey said.

Young wives may be skeptical, loathe to venture from their homes, among strangers. The Armed Services YMCA sends volunteers knocking on their doors.

“Once we get the wives inside the Y, they relax, start talking to each other,” Harvey said. “The whole family support system has to be strong. There’s a joke among military wives about housing, which can take as long as 18 months to become available. The wife inevitably gets the call that the house is ready when her husband is away.”

In addition to seven full-time and 15 part-time staff members, more than 200 civilians, dubbed the Y’s “super friends,” oil the volunteer machinery that keeps the center humming. In 1985, volunteers chalked up 12,600 hours (equivalent to $45,000 in services).

“Volunteers are what keep us alive,” Harvey said. Funding sources for Armed Services YMCA include United Way, grants and concessions like the pop machines and game room.

“There’s never enough money for programs,” said Ingrid Dietrich, who recently replaced Harvey as community relations/volunteer coordinator. Rising costs, such as a 400% jump in insurance rates, make volunteer hours that much more valuable.

At the heart of the Armed Service YMCA is the 33-member Board of Management, also volunteers, which oversees operations.

“The Board of Management provides excellent leadership,” Col. Morrison said. “It’s made up mostly of civilians, Oceanside business leaders and the military personnel directly involved with the programs.”

North County’s Armed Services has enough innovative programs, activities, classes, tours, and success stories to match one-for-one the candles on its 125th birthday cake.

“We provide the structure,” Harvey said. “We hope from us, important things will happen.”