Real New York Fans Don’t Eat Quiche--They Throw It

Whe the World Series returns to New York for the weekend, I hope the real fans come back.

At Games 1 and 2 of the Series, the Shea Stadium fans were so quiet and well behaved that they scared the Met players. Some of the Mets ripped the fans, saying these were not the real fans but corporate freeloader types who didn’t make noise, whose hearts and souls weren’t into the action.

“We were down, 3-2, and people were sitting on their hands,” pitcher Ron Darling fumed after Game 2.

There was a good explanation for that. At a ballgame in New York, sitting on your hands is the best way to discourage pickpockets.

Still, I’m with Darling. I miss the real New York baseball fans, the ones who add so much color and personality to the game. I mean it. In spite of some critical reference to Big Apple baseball fans in this space in the past, I have come to appreciate those folks.

As several angry letter writers pointed out to me, a few isolated incidents of poor fan behavior have been blown out of proportion, causing the loyal and spirited New York rooters to suffer painful and unfair criticism.

“These kinds of things can and do happen everywhere, not just in New York,” was a recurring theme of the letters. By gosh, I thought, they’re right. To underscore the point, I collected reports of several ballpark incidents in recent months and years. I think you, too, will feel better about New York baseball fans--and mankind in general--after taking this Geographical Fan Quiz.

1. Last season, a pregnant woman was sitting in a big league ballpark during a game when a bullet, fired by an unknown person, passed through her hand. This game was in: (a) Anaheim, (b) St. Louis, (c) New York, (d) Mexico City. (Hint: Reportedly, this woman still goes to games, but now she always sits on her hands.)

2. The fans celebrated clinching the division title by ripping huge sections of grass from the field, thus insuring terrible playing conditions for the playoffs and the World Series. The trashed park was: (a) Yellowstone, (b) Gorky, (c) Fenway, (d) Shea Stadium.

3. A pitcher is mercilessly booed by the home fans every time he appears. It gets so bad, the pitcher refuses to pitch games in the home park. The pitcher’s agent likens pitching before this vicious crowd to combat in Vietnam. The pitcher is traded, but his new team is forced to juggle its rotation so the pitcher won’t have to pitch in front of those howling mobs in: (a) Duluth, (b) San Diego, (c) Hyannisport, (d) New York.

4. During a major league exhibition game to raise money for widows and orphans of police officers, 14 sticks of dynamite are found in a car in the stadium’s parking lot. Name that city: (a) Barstow, (b) New York, (c) Dublin, (d) Avalon.

5. Relief pitcher Dave Smith of the Houston Astros reports that early this season, a fan urinated on him from the upper deck. The incident occurred in what ballpark? (a) Shea Stadium, (b) the Astrodome, (c) Fenway Park, (d) Wrigley Field.

6. As Jim Rice is preparing to catch a fly ball, a small green ball thrown from the grandstand whizzes past his head. A few weeks earlier, Rice has his cap stolen by a fan who refuses to give it back even when Rice climbs into the stands and confronts the fan. The incidents were at separate ballparks, but in the same city. Name it. (a) New York, (b) New Bedford, Mass., (c) York, Pa., (d) Yorkshire, England.

7. In 1982, a man and his wife, their two kids and one other child leave a ballgame in the seventh inning. In the stadium parking lot, they are kidnaped at knifepoint, robbed of $12 and jewelry, roughed up and dumped on a street in Harlem (that’s a clue, fans). This incident occurred in what city? (a) Newton, Mass., (b) Newbury Park, (c) Newport News, (d) New York.

8. The fans are upset with the team owner. A chant begins, swells and rocks the entire ballpark. Fifty thousand fans chant “Jones (makes like a vacuum cleaner)! Jones (makes like a vacuum cleaner)!” (Owner’s real name changed here.) The city? (a) Boys’ Town, (b) New York, (c) San Quentin, (d) Attica.

9. For a really big ballgame, the ballclub has 300 cops on hand to protect the field. After the game, the 300 cops are overwhelmed by the frenzied mob. The club announces that if another such big game is held in the stadium this season, manpower will be increased considerably. OK, what city, if its team is involved in a World Series-deciding game this weekend, will be easy pickings for any thief or robber, since all the cops will be at the ballpark trying to hold back the mob? (a) Seattle, (b) New York, (c) Leisure World, (d) Los Angeles.

10. The baseball team representing what city was recently billed for $7,500 for damages to an airplane by raucously celebrating players? (a) Beverly Hills, (b) Cleveland, (c) Minneapolis-St. Paul, (d) New York.

11. The team jumps into a big lead early in the season and cruises to a division title. The team’s young, clean-cut, nice-kid slugger (hint: last name is same as a small summer fruit) goes into a slump late in the season, when the games are meaningless, and becomes the target of merciless booing by the home fans. You just know this kid is glad he wound up playing ball for a team in: (a) New York, (b) Philadelphia, (c) Anaheim, (d) Cucamonga.

ANSWERS: 1--c, 2--d, 3--d, 4--b, 5--a, 6--a, 7--d, 8--b, 9--b, 10--d, 11--a.

SCORING: 8-11 answers correct--you’re an expert; 4-8--you’re semiliterate; fewer than 4--you’re out of touch with current events; couldn’t read the questions--you’re a New York City baseball fan.