Stop Laughing and Appreciate Rams’ Ho-Ho-Ho-Hum Offense

It’s time to stop making fun of the Rams’ offense.

It’s time to stop calling John Robinson’s unique creation things like “the offense time forgot.”

It’s time to stop nit-picking and start appreciating this marvelous machine for what it is, whatever that might be.

In Sunday’s 14-7 win over the Atlanta Falcons, the Rams were again boring but entertaining. I think Eric Dickerson said it best, even if he said it accidentally.

Responding to a question about the Rams’ offense, Dickerson stammered slightly and his answer came out: “I know the offense we play is ho-ho-ho-hum at times.”

Can you dig it, Sigmund Freud?

The Rams’ offense has become a touchy subject. Robinson opened his postgame press conference by stating that he wouldn’t entertain any questions about the team’s passing game. Just as well. If the questions were consistent with the Rams’ passing game itself, they would be short and incomplete.

Let’s face it--the Rams are Defense and Dickerson.

Robinson brought in a quarterback coach this season to breathe life into the passing attack. The Rams might as well have hired a surfing coach.

This is not finesse football, folks. This is manly football. None of that wimpy passing and kicking stuff. Look at Sunday’s score, 14-7. A good, old-fashioned football score. Field goals? What are those?

“It was one of the most physical football games I’ve been in in my 12 years here,” Ram guard Dennis Harrah said. “It was a rough day’s work out there.”

Harrah and his portly pals spent the warm afternoon punching holes in the Falcon defense so Dickerson could run for 170 yards in 30 carries.

“The plan for this game was to just run at ‘em,” Dickerson said, sending dozens of reporters scurrying to telephones to alert their offices to this news scoop.

Hey, who can criticize the Rams? They’re 6-2. They lead their division. They’ve even discovered what they’ve been doing wrong all these years. They haven’t had enough quarterbacks.

You let one guy play three or four games in a row, he starts getting hungry for power, wanting to pass 15 to 20 times. Now the Rams come at you with a new quarterback every few games, and he’s happy just to do what he’s told--get the ball to Eric.

“If you’re going to be the Rams’ quarterback,” said Steve Dils, Sunday’s quarterback, “you’ve got to accept the fact you’re not going to throw the ball too much now.”

Waiting in the wings Sunday was the kid, rookie Jim Everett, the Rams’ quarterback of the future. He never got in the game, because Robinson doesn’t want to send the young man into a close game. Robinson wants to wait for a blowout.

This means that Everett, who is 23, might be 40 before he gets into a game. That might be just as well, because for all the build-up the young man has been getting from Robinson and the media, when he gets in he’ll probably be so cocky and confident he’ll want to throw some passes.

And as any true Ram fan will tell you, when you pass, three things can happen, and two of them are bad.

The one good thing is, of course, that Eric Dickerson will throw a touchdown pass. He did that Sunday, proving he’s not simply a one-dimensional player who can do nothing but rush for 2,000 yards a season.

“I think that’s the most excited I’ve been since I’ve been here,” Dickerson said of his 15-yard touchdown strike to David Hill, a touchdown that proved to be the winning margin.

“I’m very proud of myself for that pass, believe me, I am very proud,” Dickerson said. “In practice, the guys were talking about the way I pass, that I look like a girl when I throw.

“I told ‘em, when it works, you’ll be jumping up and down like a bunch of girls. And they were.”

Who can blame ‘em? Everyone is getting excited about the Rams.

One popular theory to explain Sunday’s game, where all three touchdowns came as a result of turnovers by the other team’s offense, was that the California Angels have the Anaheim Stadium field so fouled up that nobody can play on it.

But that theory doesn’t do justice to the Rams. It’s time we gave the boys credit. It’s time the fans realize what they have here--a great running team, a very effective defense and Eric Dickerson in your face.

“We were bangin’,” said Ram offensive tackle Irv Pankey. “It was a serious war. We got outphysicaled last time (a 26-14 loss to the Falcons two weeks ago) but not this time. We kind of like it (running the ball as opposed to passing). We get a chance to beat on people.”

And that’s what this game is all about. You want poetry, go to the library. You want finesse, find a tea party.

But if you want some bad, good, ho-ho-ho-hum football, the Rams are your guys.