BERLIN CRISIS

Letters Page investigative journalists have spent the last two weeks conducting a full inquiry into the 28 nasty letters sent in reaction to Steve Hochman’s review of Berlin’s new LP, “Count Three and Pray,” which was highly critical of the band and singer Terri Nunn (Record Rack, Nov. 16). Our investigators noted the high incidence of looseleaf paper, a preponderance of Beverly Hills zip codes, teen-brained conformity of opinion, anti-Establishment rhetoric, multiple use of the same typewriter and the fact that 16 letters were stamped by the same postage meter (No. 6023271) and quickly deduced that Calendar had been victimized by a cynical, upper-middle class mail-in campaign. Apparently, it was instigated by members of the Beverly Hills High School football team, whose 1986 record of 8-2-1, it has been learned, was due mainly to a squishy soft schedule. A representative (but untranslated) sampling of the letters follows:

Man, I read Hochman’s review of Berlin’s album and I really think you dudes are out of touch.

That album isn’t ordinary. You guys should learn what trendy really means. That album is rad !

God, you guys are so un-hip, it’s a wonder your bums don’t fall off.

TRICIA McMILLIAN

Los Angeless