Annual Toy Report: Some of Them Stink

Beware of the Breath Blasters: Victor Vomit, Ms. Morningmouth and their various cousins.

Of the tens of thousands of playthings evaluated in 15 years of surveying toys, “the products of the sickest mind” are these 4-inch figures that stink according to their names, the Americans for Democratic Action declared this week in its annual “Toy Box/Trash Box” evaluation of new toys.

Breath Blasters “smell so bad that at least one toy store we know had to remove them from their floor space so shoppers wouldn’t be offended,” the ADA noted.

Noisy Toys

The toy survey also denounced a popular doll as a high-priced tape player that “drives you nuts because it never stops unless the child stops the tape,” and designated as “wretched” a rubbery head that makes “gagging,” “burping” and “puking” noises when a child yanks its eyeball out of the socket.

The ADA labeled 1986 “The Year of the Ugly Toy.” Then it added, “toys are not just ugly: They are disgusting, sickening, bizarre, unpleasant and offensive.”

Known more for liberal political lobbying than for playing with toys, the ADA nonetheless considered more than 2,000 items before tossing 10 of them into it’s “Trash Box” for lacking play value or being dangerous, poorly constructed, misleadingly advertised, messy, unsanitary, frustrating--or a combination of the above.

Ten toys filled the ADA’s “Toy Box.” These passed muster as safe, sturdy, realistically advertised, fun and possessing good play value.

ADA toy testers dubbed Breath Blasters “simply an idea in bad taste” despite the Blasters being “well detailed and beautifully colored.” Besides Victor Vomit and Ms. Morningmouth, this family of grotesque, rubbery little stinkers includes George Garbagemouth, Deathbreath, Mackerel Mouth and Dogbreath.

The survey pointed out that Axlon, Inc., the Sunnyvale company that makes Breath Blasters, also manufactures “such popular toys as A.G. Bear and PetSter.”

Axlon president and founder Nolan Bushnell responded to the ADA criticism by saying the surveyors missed the point of Breath Blasters, which is to provide children with a means of “socially acceptable rebellion. I think it’s imperative that children today have a way to rebel without dealing with drugs or vandalism. Part of growing up is rebelling.

“There’s a whole series of toys that exist to offend the sensibilities of adults. They are designed to do that, and we’ve obviously succeeded in doing that. We say ‘right on.’ The psychological factor is that I want my children to be able to rebel in a socially acceptable way. I don’t think bad smells will destroy the fabric of civilization,” added Bushnell, who invented Pong, the world’s first video game, and then founded the Atari Corp. and Chuck E. Cheese’s Pizza Time Theater.

Another Axlon toy to which ADA surveyors gave flunking marks was Rude Ralph, a repulsive, rubber-like, child-size head with orange hair, an orange-green complexion and a bloodshot eyeball. “Yank Ralph’s eyeball--he makes four rude noises,” promise his instructions. What do you do, asks the ADA survey, after you’ve heard Ralph burp, gag, puke and give you the raspberry? You get bored, claims the survey, and then “probably put him in the Trash Box. That’s what we did.”

Bushnell would pluck Ralph right out of the ADA’s Trash Box. “It’s another one of our rebelling toys,” he said. “A lot of times these (toy testers) take themselves too seriously. These toys are meant for fun. We knew they were going to be offensive to adults, and there would be some self-appointed defenders of morality. In fact, they are offensive to kids as well, but they like to have them to rebel. When we were growing up, it was cigarettes and beer.”

Low-Point Decor

When asked about the ADA’s allegation that Rude Ralph quickly bores children, Bushnell laughed and responded: “I think he represents a low point of decoration for your room. All decoration has to be bracketed between a high and a low point.”

Having designated this year “The Year of the Ugly Toy,” the ADA has selected D. Compose, an Inhumanoid made by Hasbro, Inc. of Pawtucket, R.I., as the year’s “symbol.”

“D. Compose is an Inhumanoid, and all of the Inhumanoids are ugly. They’re supposed to be,” the ADA observed. Then it described the 14-inch figure as having “a skeleton rib cage that opens, exposing lumpy red plastic that is probably supposed to be the lungs . . . would you believe $25 for a pock-marked piece of plastic that doesn’t do anything? We throw this overpriced rip-off into the Trash Box.”

Al Carosi, a Hasbro vice president, responded to the ADA attack by saying, “Children seek out fantasy, which may be scary because it helps them to master, through fantasy, their own inner feelings in a socially acceptable way. What may seem strange to us as adults is often wondrous and thrilling to a young mind.”

Hawthorne-based Mattel, Inc. hit the Trash Box jackpot with four toys the ADA didn’t like.

While recognizing Mattel’s DoubleDooz ABCs transformable building blocks as “a really cute idea,” the ADA attacked them because the letter-shaped blocks don’t all transform into objects related to letters on the blocks. For example, observed the survey, “I” becomes ice cream, “K” becomes a King, “J” turns into a Jeep, but “N” transforms to a robot. “Is this any way to learn your ABCs?”

Mattel vice president Spencer Boise responded by noting that “there are two separate lines of DoubleDooz ABCs letters: those that open up to be robots and those that open up to be objects corresponding to the letters themselves. Which is which is clearly indicated on the packages. In our focus groups, we found that both types of letters had appeal.”

Mattel’s Evil Horde Slime Pit also got tossed in the Trash Box. “Remember Slime?” asks the survey. “That greenish ‘oozy glob of goop’ that comes in its own garbage can? Slime hasn’t changed. It still ‘sticks to rugs . . . fabrics . . . and hair. It may also be harmful to wood finishes.” The survey goes on to say, “What does this play set do? Not much. There’s a pit, a skull and a claw. Put one of the Masters of the Universe figures (but none is included with the set) in the claw, pour Slime in the skull, and it will ooze down, trapping the victim. Our child testers loved this toy--for about five minutes; the parents were first horrified, then thrilled that it wasn’t in their house. Then, boredom set in, and no one came back to play with it again. This is a one-trick toy, and messy to boot.”

To all of which Mattel’s Boise responds, “The Slime Pit is one of our many play sets designed to support Masters of the Universe action figures. It clearly indicates on the front of the box that figures are not included.

“Slime can cause some problems, but they are minimal in nature. The actual claim rate (claims made against Mattel for damages) is something like 1/400 of 1% per unit of product sold. Millions of units are sold. That says two things: One, it is popular, and two, the amount of problems is not great.”

Boise also noted that, while the goo does not respond to dry cleaning, it can be cleaned up with vinegar, soap and water, so “it is easier to clean it at home than it is to send it to the dry cleaner.”

Asked about the ADA criticism that Slime Pit is a boring toy, Boise observed, “Well, kids continue to buy it. It’s the second time around for Slime. We introduced it in 1978 and it was extremely popular then. We brought it back this year, and its popularity has continued.”

The Heart Family New Arrival Set is yet another Mattel toy relegated to the Trash Box. The family is a mother who can be dressed in maternity clothes, and a father. “Let’s hope they don’t have to go to the hospital quickly,” the survey declared. “It took us almost 15 minutes to put the socks and shoes on Dad’s huge feet. And then our Dad was so excited he lost his head--literally.” The survey also complained that accessories like towels, blankets and diapers are so small “they could all disappear before Christmas day is over,” but the hairbrush extends almost from the mother’s waist to the top of her head. “The Heart Family New Arrival set is very confusing, with its tiny pieces all out of proportion,” ADA surveyors said.

Little Fingers Needed

Boise noted that adults may indeed have trouble putting shoes and socks on Dad, but “we have found that children dressing him have an easier time because they have littler fingers and don’t have the long fingernails that a lot of adults seem to have.”

He also said that most accessories are in proportion to the dolls, but “children look for hair play in fashion dolls, so the brush is sized so the children can actually style the mother’s hair with it.”

The final Mattel toy to rate a Trash Box insult was My Child Disposable Diapers, a set of six real diapers with patterns on them. “Why in the world would anyone buy replacement ‘designer diapers’ for a doll when (A), it comes with a regular, plain, real Pampers diaper to start with and (B), it doesn’t even wet?” asks the ADA. It goes on to note that the Mattel diapers run about 50 each, as opposed to diapers sold in supermarkets that go for 17.

Boise said Mattel has found that “one of the most popular ways children like to pretend is to change their dolls’ diapers. My Child is basically a fantasy doll, and it doesn’t matter that it does not actually wet.” Turning to the question of price, Boise said, “My Child has an Aprica stroller and special My Child designer clothing, so the diapers tie in with buying the very best for the My Child doll.”

A surprise Trash Box toy was Cricket, an especially popular new doll that moves her eyes and mouth in synchronization with the words of songs, stories and jokes she tells, thanks to a tape player in her back.

“As an electronic marvel, Cricket is great,” the survey granted. “But as a doll, forget it. For starters, Cricket is heavy. Six and a half pounds heavy . . . our three and four-year-old testers grunted and struggled to carry her across the room. And her voice: At first it charms you . . . but after a while it drives you nuts because it never stops, unless the child stops the tape. At times, she even has incorrect grammar. Then there’s the price . . . $80 or more . . . When the novelty wears off, that’s a high price for a tape player.”

Let Her Sit in Her Chair

Cricket is made by Playmates Toys, Inc., of La Mirada, where vice president Richard V. Sallis said, “As far as being heavy, we see no problems with children playing with Cricket. We supply a chair for her, and quite often she’s treated as a play-set situation.

“As for the voice, I assume the criticism is coming from an adult. We love the voice. It’s one of the charming things about Cricket. A lot of kids own Cricket, and I have yet to see a complaint from a kid about the voice. We don’t make the voice for adults, we make the toys for kids.”

Turning to the question of paying “a high price for a tape player,” Sallis noted that “we built a lot of personality into Cricket. I don’t think her novelty will wear off quickly. We put a lot of research into the doll concerning what she says and how she says it. Also, a child can groom her, comb her hair, change her clothes and enjoy the full doll play pattern. She’s not just a tape player.”

From this year’s inevitable inundation of Rambo toys, the ADA plucked the Rambo 106 mm. Recoilless Anti-Tank Gun kit and threw it into the Trash Box. Made by Coleco Industries, Inc. of West Hartford, Conn., the toy struck ADA testers as difficult to assemble, especially since it is designed for children 5 and older. The ADA allowed that “the box did say, in teeny, tiny white letters on the front, ‘some assembly required.’ ” Finally, testers said, “We got it together, sort of, before we gave up. It’s too bad, the plastic pieces had a nice ‘texture.’ But the box was misleading and the assembly was frustrating. Definitely not for a 5-year-old.”

When told of the ADA’s observations, Coleco vice president Barbara Wruck responded, “They should have given it to a kid, and that’s the truth. The directions are only included for adults. Our experience has been that children have an unusual capacity to assemble items with a speed and dexterity unknown to adults. What we find is that the kids can do it. We as adults become confused, frustrated and intimidated by assembly. Kids take one look at an item and have it together in minutes.”

“Two-Faced Watch”

ADA toy testers surprised themselves by relegating the Teach Me Watch to the Trash Box despite finding it an “attractive, two-faced watch.”

“The concept is terrific,” testers said of the watch made by Playskool, Inc., a subsidiary of Hasbro, Inc. “Two faces, side by side, of the same watch--one analog, the other digital, so preschoolers can learn to understand and ‘see’ the passage of time on the analog side and relate it to the numbers on the digital side . . . so what’s wrong with it? First of all, it’s very hard to put on; secondly, all the numbers are quite small, making the watch hard to read.” The ADA also complained that the band came apart when it got wet and that, because the digital and analog displays are set separately, the watch could show two times simultaneously, “which would completely defeat the purpose of the watch.”

Sharon Hartley, associate vice president of marketing for Playskool preschool toys, granted that there had been problems with the watch strap, but said they have been corrected. Then she responded to ADA criticism point by point: “The reason it’s difficult to put on is that we want children to have Mom and Dad set it and put it on,” Hartley said. “It’s also difficult to take off. That was designed in on purpose. We’re trying to prevent kids from losing these items.

“The two separate timepieces was done intentionally as well. They allow parents to show their children a digital readout, with which most kids are already familiar, and to separately show them on the analog how time passes to get to whatever the digital watch face says. Most kids can read 7:10, but don’t know what ten minutes after seven means.

“And we’ve tested this watch with parents and children and have had no complaints whatsoever about its being hard to read.”

ADA toy testers noted a trend toward “advanced electronic technology (being) incorporated into traditional toys.” They took one of the best examples of that trend and gave it the ADA stamp of approval by placing it in the Toy Box.

The old toy with a new electronic wrinkle is Etch A Sketch Animator, a computerized spinoff of the redoubtable old Etch A Sketch that draws lines on a gray screen when knobs are turned at the base of the red plastic frame surrounding the screen.

The Animator, labeled as inventive and “great creative fun” by the survey, has an LCD screen that uses tiny squares to “draw” pictures when the knobs are turned. A dozen pictures can be stored in the toy, and then called up in various sequences and at different intervals to create animated cartoons.

While the survey recognized that the Animator can be frustrating and noted that duplicating “the more complex images in the instruction booklet took more patience than any of our child testers or their parents had,” it concluded that “kids didn’t have to use the Animator ‘correctly’ to have fun with it . . . (they) delighted in seeing whatever drawings they did create seem to come to life . . . (it) held the interest of child testers and adults of all ages.”

Another computer-age toy that won a place in the ADA Toy Box was Baby Talk, a doll with a microchip brain who responds to your voice by moving her mouth and eyes in sync with the words she speaks. She also moves her cheeks and makes sucking noises when a bottle is put in her mouth.

“Even without her electronic fascinations, this doll is beautiful and cuddly,” the survey said of Baby Talk, who asks to be hugged and loved, says she’s sleepy when put on her back, but won’t go to sleep if she continues to hear people talking. When it’s quiet enough, her eyes close and she automatically slips into microchip slumberland by turning off her eight batteries.

Animals for Wrists

A furry wristwatch got a Toy Box rating because it is “affordable (under $10), pretty, fun, it works and the kids--especially the girls--loved it.” Called a Watchimal, the fuzzy little elephant, peacock, butterfly, bear, toucan or mouse straps to the wrist with a Velcro band. A kid can tell the time by opening the critter’s mouth to reveal a digital watch.

Highlights for Children: Hidden Pictures is another inexpensive Toy Box toy. It’s a set of small line drawings hidden within larger pictures. Children can put one of the 32 big pictures under a plastic sheet, find the hidden images, and trace them with a marker. “It’s fun,” the survey notes. “Even very young children are challenged, then feel a sense of accomplishment from the task of finding the objects hiding in the drawing. And playing with this activity sharpens reasoning skills and reinforces close attention to detail too. All for under $5.”

The ADA also put a different kind of drawing game in the Toy Box. Called Pictionary, this is “a great new family game; a combination of Trivial Pursuit and Charades, only you draw the clue instead of acting it out. Your teammate must identify the work from the drawing . . . the game is challenging and lots of fun.”

Real Men: Soccer was described as “an action game with a unique, original concept” and “a real hit with the kids.” To use this Toy Box entry requires putting your hand in a soccer-playing puppet. Your fingers become his legs. Fit a tiny pair of soccer shoes on your fingertips, set up the goals, bring out the ball, find a worthy opponent--and kick away. ADA surveyors found that kids get happily absorbed in the game for long periods of time.

Another toy that kept kids happy was the Power Workshop, a plastic kit with a battery-powered, motorized handle that becomes a drill, saw, buffer, screwdriver or wrench. All the tools, bolts, screws--even a “sawing board”--that come with the kit are plastic, so your furniture and walls won’t get sawed or drilled by happy little workers.

Kudos for Rubik’s Magic

“Fascinating, “challenging,” “frustrating,” “ingenious,” “tactile,” “fun” and “beautiful” are adjectives the survey applied to Rubik’s Magic, a puzzle that descended from Rubik’s Cube. The new puzzle links eight plastic squares with hinges that bend every which way. To solve it, manipulate the squares so rings printed on them appear to intertwine like links of a chain. “Even if you can’t solve it, Rubik’s Magic looks good as a coffee-table sculpture,” observed ADA toy testers.

A child who enjoys looking at things might delve into the Toy Box for the Micro Explorer Set, a plastic “first microscope” that comes with slides bearing pictures of insects, fabrics, rocks, plants, animals (or parts thereof) and man-made objects. The set also includes specimen bottles with magnifiers in their caps, tweezers, an eye dropper and blank slides. Every item has a special place in the set’s plastic carrying case.

There’s just one videotape in the Toy Box. It’s Wee Sing Together: a Magical Musical Video that provides an hour of singing and singing along with 21 songs. The video takes Jonathan and Sally to the Wee Sing Park, accompanied by their friends Hum Bear and Melody Mouse. “This is refreshing, original,” surveyors said.