Torrey Pines North Proves to Be Easy--and Fun--Mark

Andy Bean was the leader in the clubhouse. To be more precise, he was the leader in the press room. He had a right to be feeling quite good because he had broken George Burns’ 24-hour-old Torrey Pines North record with a 10-under-par 62.

And, he was advised, there was a bonus for him. Each day’s low scorer earns a zero-coupon bond worth $10,000 now and $50,000 at maturity in 20 years.

Not bad.

Bean smiled.

“Well,” he said, “let’s hope no one shoots a 61.”

Well, he was told, Craig Stadler was eight-under-par with three holes to play.

Bean cringed.

“Which course?” he asked.

The North.

“Oh gosh,” Bean said. “I went birdie, birdie, birdie. I imagine he can too.”

Indeed, it has been birdie, birdie, birdie time at Torrey Pines through the first two rounds of the Shearson Lehman Brothers Moon River Open . . . or maybe birdie, birdie, eagle. The pros are playing Torrey Pines the way you and I wish we could score on Presidio, and I don’t think that cute little par-3 layout has a monster that stretches more than maybe 100 yards.

Golf is supposed to be a business with these guys, but they seem to be enjoying themselves.

“That was a fun round today,” said Chip Beck, who shot a 64 on the North. “The conditions are so good and the course is so good and everybody’s scoring. I played with Lennie Clements and Dave Stockton and it seemed like someone had a birdie on every hole. That’s fun.”

Fun?

When was the last time you came home from the office laughing and giggling and talking about what a great time was had by all?

Dan Halldorson played with Bobby Wadkins and Bobby Cole, and they too must have had a gaggle of guffaws . . . and they played the tougher South Course. Halldorson, in fact, had a 65.

“We had 32 birdies and 4 eagles among the three of us for the two rounds,” Halldorson said. “That’ll keep you going, seeing so many good swings and good shots.”

I was rather surprised to learn how much fun it had been, because I did not see a lot of back-slapping, high fives and low fives on the course. I didn’t hear anyone say, “Sink this one, Bobby, we don’t have our birdie yet on this one.” I saw a bunch of guys systematically--and seriously--stripping a couple of golf courses of their dignity.

If golf courses had feelings, they would have been embarrassed.

“Well,” said Dave Eichelberger, who had a 65 on the North, “the course was just laying there. . . .”

That was true. Torrey Pines was like the bum of the week and the collective flower and power of the PGA was standing over it, kicking it if it stayed down and punching it if it looked up. It was as if these courses had been drained of their will to win, or even put up a fight.

The North Course was particularly helpless. Anybody who did not break 70 on the North should have lost his tour card. It could have been played with a driver, 5-iron, sand wedge and putter. The only reason a pro has to take a caddy is to carry the picnic basket.

“Torrey Pines South is a whole lot different to play than Torrey Pines North,” said Lon Hinkle, who shot a 68 Friday on the South after a 64 Thursday on the North. “You can get into serious trouble on the South if you don’t plan in advance.”

In other words, plan to bring all the clubs. The caddy will earn his keep on the South, because the course stretches out and the par 5s are more than a driver and 5-iron and the par 4s are more than a driver and a sand wedge. When more shots come into play, golfers generally take more shots.

And Torrey Pines South is the course for the last two rounds of the tournament. The North gets a couple of days to lie there and sulk before Joe Public gets out there and makes it feel like a bully again.

Meanwhile, the South will fight for the dignity of the whole layout. It has not exactly fought like a tiger either.

To give Torrey Pines a shot this week, someone should slip out there with some railroad ties and half of Black’s Beach and a few million gallons of water and give this layout some teeth.

Such a suggestion caused Andy Bean to cringe once again.

“Why do you want it tougher?” he said. “Why change it? Why does a golf course have to be changed just because someone shoots a good round? Leave the dang golf course alone. Spectators pay good money and they want to watch good golf. They don’t pay to see double bogeys and bogeys win golf tournaments. If you’re going to play tricked-up golf courses, you may as well play miniature golf.”

Hmmm. Not a bad idea. Maybe Torrey Pines should have greens with a twirling windmill in front of a hole or ramp into a clown’s mouth or maybe Sleeping Beauty’s Castle with a moat.

Its only chance, however, is weather. Nice conditions, meaning little wind and only the lightest of sprinkles, will generally bring out a flurry of under-par rounds. Torrey Pines has had no help from the weather. A tsunami or a tornado or a typhoon would turn this baby into a monster overnight. Torrey Pines could use a good storm to get the pacifier out of its mouth and replace it with fangs.

As Andy Bean was meeting the press, he might have come to feel that maybe it might have been nice if the North Course had been just a little bit tougher . . . at least for Craig Stadler. He too shot a 62.

“At least he didn’t beat me,” Bean said.

However, the news was not good. According to the way the rules have been set up, one golfer has to have a clear-cut low score for a given day to win the bonus. Otherwise, the pot carries over and the whole field shoots for it once again.

“You’ve got to be kidding,” Bean said, aghast. “You tell me I’ve won something and then you take it away? You just tattooed me.”

He threw the microphone to the floor in what appeared to be disgust.

“Just kidding,” he said, but quickly added: “Not really.”

As I watched the dismay of Andy Bean, it occurred to me that he was not alone in having been tattooed.

It’s just that golf courses can’t talk.