Here’s One Switch That Pulls the Plug on Mariners, Padres

If the National Hockey League can have Patrick, Campbell, Norris and Adams divisions, I guess there is no reason why major league baseball cannot have the National and American leagues East and West . . . plus an Argyros Division.

Most mega-millionaires who aspire to the folly of professional sports ownership are willing to settle for a team.

I think George Argyros would like to have his own league .

Consider the situation today at Yuma, where the Padres are conducting their spring training exercises. The visiting team today will be the Seattle Mariners.

George Argyros owns the Mariners.

George Argyros is buying the Padres.

The incongruity of the situation was not lost on Padre Manager Larry Bowa.

“I guess we’re going to play an intrasquad game,” he quipped.

This could be interesting. The umpires come out of the dugout for the pregame meeting of the managers, except that Bowa and Seattle manager Dick Williams aren’t carrying lineup cards. Bowa, the home manager, carries a bat.

“Catch it, Dick,” Bowa says, flipping the bat toward Williams.

Williams catches it in one fist and holds it toward Bowa. They take turns, fist after fist, moving toward the knob at the end of the bat. Williams gets the last fist in place.

“OK, Dick,” an umpire says, “you win. You choose first.”

“I’ll take Tony Gwynn,” Williams says.

“I’ll take Jim Presley,” Bowa says.

“I’ll take Carmelo Martinez,” Williams says.

“I’ll take Joey Cora,” Bowa says.

And so it would go. Bowa soon would be back in one dugout surrounded by players wearing brown caps, and Williams would be in the other dugout surrounded by players wearing blue caps. Of course, everyone would have to wear one of those stick-on name tags.

Has baseball ever been played between shirts and skins?

Isn’t this whole scenario yet another fitting episode in the Keystone Kroc routine of the last year or so? Or should it be Ballard and Our Gang?

In truth, Argyros will not be allowed to own two teams at one time. The rules say nine players, four balls, three strikes, three outs . . . and each owner may possess only one team.

It’s too bad.

With apologies to the beleaguered Seattle fans, Argyros could use the Mariners as a Padre farm team. After all, the entire American League West should be someone’s farm. The AL West should meet the Pacific Coast League in a playoff to see who meets the champion of the AL East.

From this Seattle farm, the Padres could use a Ken Phelps or an Alvin Davis to platoon with Steve Garvey at first base and a Jim Presley at third and maybe a Mark Langston in the starting rotation and . . . frankly, the tap runs dusty pretty quickly up there in the rain forest.

However, there also would be the punitive affect of being sent the other direction. Let a fellow miss too many signs or mouth off about the owner and he would be sentenced to exile with the cantankerous Dick Williams.

Take that, Goose!

Alas, none of this can happen.

The problem, at this point, is that virtually nothing can happen to either of these franchises for maybe three months. The Padres were not sold to someone who can step right in and address the issues of the spring of 1987. Instead, they were sold into a convoluted situation.

George Argyros can do nothing now. He said it over and over again at Thursday’s news conference. He isn’t really the owner yet. He is not the owner until the transaction is approved by both leagues and the commissioner and presumably given the Good Housekeeping seal of approval.

All of this may not transpire until the next scheduled owners’ meeting in June.

As a consequence, Argyros had to hem and haw through query after query. He said he could not do this and he could not do that, and dodged even further when he was asked theoretical questions about what he would do if he could. Circumstances made it impossible for him to sound like a decisive and articulate businessman.

It had to be frustrating for this man to sit there owning two toys and not being able to play with either one.

Indeed, I suspect both of these teams will come away from the next three months feeling somewhat neglected--at least by ownership.

Argyros is trying to sell the Mariners. It would not figure that he will be spending lavishly in the Pacific Northwest during this interim period. If these Mariners are sailing a leaky ship, and they are, I have a message for them.

Bail.

Joan Kroc has sold the Padres. It would not seem logical that she will do much on the Padres’ behalf in this interim period. It is not common practice to invest in a property once it has been sold.

Consequently, the Padres--and the Mariners--are entering a rather aimless three-month period.

In the Padres’ case, Joan won’t and George can’t.

For the Padres’ fans, there is a message here, too.

Goodby, Mr. Raines, wherever you are.