THE IRAN-<i> CONTRA</i> SHOW--IT’S UNBELIEVABLE : The Pervasiveness of Media at the Hearings Carries Its Own Message, Their Numbers Alone Seeming to Attach Extraordinary Significance to Proceedings

Tragedies and TV shows merge on the small screen.

That happened with the unfolding of presidential scandal in 1973-74, when the marathon-televised Watergate hearings seemed to dissolve into an unforgettable picture of Richard Nixon resigning in prime time. The next day, a humbled President allowed TV into the White House to record his departure.

So you sit in front of the set these days, curiously, inexplicably hoping to be entertained by congressional hearings into possible government misconduct in the Iran- contra affair.

Some of the familiar imagery is in place for deja vu, such as these joint House and Senate committee hearings having begun Tuesday in the same Senate Caucus Room that was used for the Watergate inquiry. In addition, the Senate committee chairman is Sen. Daniel K. Inouye (D-Hawaii), who gained prominence as a member of the investigating Watergate committee.

The pervasiveness of media at the hearings--especially the across-the-board presence of TV--carries its own message, their numbers alone seeming to attach extraordinary significance to these proceedings.

A certain aura is created when the Dan Rathers of anchordom show up with all their impressive embellishments. “Are we making too much of this?” Rather asked Tower Commission member and former U.S. Sen. Edmund Muskie Tuesday morning as they sat in a special glass booth that CBS News erected atop a building overlooking the Capitol dome. Muskie didn’t think so.

What was there to make too much of?

Some excitement came in the afternoon session at which retired Air Force Maj. Gen. Richard V. Secord’s testimony was carried live in its entirety by ABC, CBS, PBS and CNN, and partially by NBC. And in coming days there will be testimony from John Poindexter, Oliver North and Robert McFarlane.

But the opening morning session--covered live-in-full by CNN and PBS and partially by CBS and NBC--was an unending fluster of bluster. Seldom has TV presented a bigger collection of “distinguished colleagues”--as they referred to themselves--in telegenic red ties. The platitudinous opening statements by investigating committee members were as repetitive as TV itself. It was like hearing 26 Jack Valentis on Oscar night.

Hot winds blew through the chamber, as on and on these high-minded, nonpartisan, solid-gold human beings went: “. . . a self-cleansing process of our Democracy . . . ,” “. . . 200 years ago, this nation embarked on this destiny . . . ,” “. . . so let me join my colleagues in thanking. . . .”

It almost brought you to tears.

Aside from affirming that politicians are hams, the pictures delivered another dramatic image: monolithic maleness, reminding us which Americans make the decisions for all Americans.

The females who get noticed and make the biggest headlines in America these days are not national leaders but the covergirl likes of Fawn Hall, Jessica Hahn and now Donna Rice, the Miami woman alleged to have a spent a night recently with leading Democratic presidential candidate Gary Hart. (See related story this page.)

The question of what President Reagan knew and when he knew it seems to have been temporarily eclipsed by the question of what Hart did and when he did it. No doubt most of America is far more compelled by the juicy sexual innuendos swirling around Hart than by the Iran- contra hearings. And, ironically, some viewers were able to get both as CNN carried live Hart’s denial of the sexual allegations in a speech before the American Newspaper Publishers Assn. Tuesday. The timing was magical, for only minutes later, CNN was able to switch to the start of the afternoon session of the Iran- contra hearings and Secord’s testimony.

NBC made a different decision, choosing to miss a portion of the Secord testimony in favor of live coverage of Hart answering questions about his alleged dalliance with Rice.

In his speech, Hart blasted “the forces of cynicism” and vowed that “truth will conquer falsehood.” Earlier, in the morning session of the Iran- contra hearings, Sen. Howell Heflin (D-Ala.) expressed hope that “the traditional American values of honesty, openness, truth and credibility” would be affirmed.

Not that North, Poindexter or McFarlane need worry in any case. No matter the outcome of the Iran- contra affair, they’ll always be employable, thanks to the very “forces of cynicism” decried by Hart and the occasional malfunctioning of the “traditional American values” cited by Heflin.

Merely being famous is a ticket to stardom.

It’s worked for G. Gordon Liddy, who spent a week on “Password” recently and earlier turned up on “Miami Vice.” And look how well it’s working for John Ehrlichman.

Nine years after completing 18 months in prison for conspiracy, obstruction of justice and perjury for his role in the Watergate scandal, the former No. 2 aide in the Richard Nixon White House has become a TV pitchman for Dreyer’s Grand Light ice cream, exploiting--and joking about--his lack of credibility.

It’s not what he’s doing (he’s paid his debt and has a right to make a living), but how he’s doing it that’s repugnant. He’s making his Watergate connection work for him as one of Dreyers’ six “unbelievable spokespeople for an unbelievable product” in a regional advertising campaign that’s been running for several weeks.

There he is eating the stuff on TV. Would you buy ice cream from this man? Listen:

“When I said I never knew a thing about the Watergate break-in, you probably didn’t believe me, did you? Well, to show you what a good guy I am, I’ll give you another chance. This Dreyer’s Grand Light is 93% fat-free, all natural, and has a lot less calories than regular ice cream. And it tastes great. So even if you didn’t believe me last time, you’d better try this stuff. It’s unbelievable. And, believe me, I’m an expert on that subject.”

Yes, a real knee-slapper. Ehrlichman was a key player in a dark episode that anguished the nation and triggered Nixon’s resignation in disgrace. And now it’s funny?

Perhaps not to Dreyer’s, which, according to a spokeswoman, is considering yanking the Ehrlichman spot. “We knew we would get some negative reaction, but we got a little more than we anticipated,” public relations manager Diane McIntire said Monday from Oakland.

Why use Ehrlichman in the first place? Because he got famous for lying.

“We have a product we consider unbelievable, because it’s a low-calorie ice cream--which is a contradiction,” said Hal Riney of Hal Riney and Partners, the San Francisco advertising agency behind the “unbelievable spokespeople” campaign. Ehrlichman was initially tentative about taking part, but consented “in the spirit of good nature,” Riney said. “It’s a little bit of whimsy. At least I see it that way. Some of the people who hate Ehrlichman don’t see it as whimsical.”

If Ehrlichman making light of perjury is whimsical, what next? The imagination runs wild:

-- “This is Jim Bakker. I got into a lot of trouble buying my wife, Tammy Faye, a Rolls-Royce with church contributions. I won’t do that again, now that I’ve driven this gorgeous new . . . Mercedes Benz!!!”

--”I’m John Hinckley . When I shot President Reagan, I sure could have used one of these new genuine U.S. Army . . . bazookas!!! And then a shiny Yamaha to make my getaway!!!”

--”I know what you’re thinking. ‘What’s Charlie Manson,’ a homicidal lunatic, doing in a TV commercial?’ But at least I’ve got the good sense to know that you need a good dandruff shampoo in prison.”

--”It’s me, Dr. Mengele. . . .”

Actually, Riney said, the ice creamers employed their own statute of limitations for their campaign, refusing to use anyone convicted of a crime in the last six months. “And (in using someone like Ehrlichman) it had to be a crime that didn’t do anybody any fundamental harm--like an injury,” Riney said. “Ehrlichman considers it (his criminality) a technicality.”

Taking part in a White House cover-up did no fundamental harm? Somebody here has ice cream for brains.

Riney said that he was never uncomfortable with having Ehrlichman josh about his Watergate role in the spot. “Not at this point in time. Watergate is pretty much forgotten. A lot of people don’t even know it happened.”

The other “unbelievables” spokespersons, Riney said, are a woman who claims to have boarded several UFOs, a man claiming sightings of the Loch Ness Monster, a psychic, a “little boy we made up” and Melvin Dummar, the man who insisted that Howard Hughes left him $150 million. “We considered Ivan Boesky,” Riney said, “but concluded he probably wouldn’t want to do it.”

Susan Schultz, Dreyer’s brand manager for new products, denied that the firm considered hiring Boesky, the insider-trading scandal figure who pleaded guilty to giving false information to the Securities and Exchange Commission. “We were considering Zsa Zsa Gabor, though,” she said.