Gil Ferguson’s Political Tactics

Congratulations, Gil Ferguson! You’ve done it again. And don’t think your tactics have gone unnoticed by those of us who want to follow in your financial footsteps. For fellow Fergie followers I’ve put together this easy four-step primer: The Road to Prosperous Political Paranoia.

(Get cozy with) with developers. This is a great way to make what Gil calls “nickels and dimes.” At $40,000 a shot, it’s best to have a half-ton pickup truck handy.

Wrap yourself in the flag. That way anyone who opposes your policies is obviously a communist.

Pick fights and act arrogant. After all, you’re safe behind the “Orange Curtain.”

When you’re caught doing something illegal, say “I’m sorry as hell” and blame your enemy.

So here goes: I’m accused of pocketing mucho dinero in an illegal manner to help my high-rise friends. In response I blame someone I previously picked a fight with, a well-known “pinko” like Tom Hayden. I continue by associating anyone who is in favor of slower growth with the Viet Cong. (Makes no difference if they’re farther to the right than I am.)

Now comes the sweet part: I close my eyes, and when all of Orange County is border to border development, I’ve got a whale of a pension plan.

JIM POND

Costa Mesa