The NHL : Tougher Rules Aren’t Getting Rid of the Fights

Although the National Hockey League took steps last month to eliminate bench-clearing brawls by instituting a tough penalty system that will fine and suspend players for leaving the bench to join a fight, it has done nothing to rid itself of fighting, per se.

Those silly little skirmishes that have tarnished the league’s image, but have rarely been met with anything more than slaps on the wrist for those involved, are still a part of the game.

“It’s coming down to where you have two lines that play the game and two lines that fight,” said winger Brian MacLellan of the Minnesota North Stars.

Comedian Jeff Cesario of Studio City claims, in his act, that hockey is the chief cause of prison riots.

“Think about it,” Cesario says. “You’re a convict, sitting in your cell in the federal penitentiary watching a hockey player getting a two-minute penalty. You’re serving 17 years for the same offense.”

Never has the role of fighting in hockey been more evident than in the case of Kevin Maguire.

The first player chosen in the waiver draft by the Buffalo Sabres 2 1/2 weeks ago, Maguire had no points--but 74 penalty minutes--in 17 games last season with the Toronto Maple Leafs. He also accumulated 131 penalty minutes for the Maple Leafs’ Newmarket, Canada, affiliate in the American Hockey League.

But Maguire said that when he asked Toronto General Manager Gerry McNamara after the season if the Maple Leafs would pay to send him to hockey school to improve his skills, he was turned down.

“But they offered to pay my way to boxing school,” he said.

This one’s for you, bud.

Hartford defenseman Ulf Samuelsson, after the Whalers had lost their first four games: “It’s like you open a beer. You want it to be good. We open ours and it’s flat. We’re flat. We have no bounce.”

The Whalers’ losing streak reached five games before they beat the New Jersey Devils in overtime Saturday night, 4-3.

Phil Esposito, general manager of the New York Rangers, has long been an opponent of international play, claiming that it distracts from the regular season and makes players more susceptible to injury.

Last month’s Canada Cup gave Esposito another reason to dislike international competition.

“After what Mario Lemieux did against the Russians, I’m afraid it’s going to turn him into a monster against us in the Patrick Division,” Esposito told the Hockey News.

After six games, Pittsburgh’s Lemieux leads the NHL with 10 assists and 14 points.

Don Maloney of the New York Rangers, on Pittsburgh’s acquisition of former King Charlie Simmer to play with Lemieux: “He could possibly score 50 or 60 goals. My grandmother could probably score 20 or 30 with Lemieux.”

Simmer, acquired in the waiver draft, has 3 goals and 9 assists.

Brian Burke, vice president and director of operations for the Vancouver Canucks, on the Stanley Cup champion Edmonton Oilers: “They’re the best eight-man team in the league, but from 9 to 20, they’re not even in the top 10.”

Does it really matter?

No kidding?

After stopping 39 shots and picking up his first NHL victory Sunday night against the Winnipeg Jets, Darren Pang, the Chicago Blackhawks’ 5-foot 5-inch goaltender, told reporters: “It’s hard to imagine what it would be like being big. I’ve been small my whole life.”

The Minnesota North Stars didn’t expect another “Miracle on Ice” when they hired Olympic hero Herb Brooks to be their coach, but they did expect better than a 1-4-1 start.

Brooks, though, felt the heat even before the season started.

“I don’t want to be oversold,” he said. “I’m not Robert Preston in ‘The Music Man.’ I feel this team has been oversold in the past, and having my big nose plastered all over the place isn’t going to keep people in the seats.

“The only thing that will sell is an honest effort, and it’s the players who are going to do that. I don’t need and I don’t want the attention.”

When he was picked up last week by the Hartford Whalers, Dave (Tiger) Williams told the Hartford Courant: “I’m happier than a pig in slop. I’m back in the action.”

And how.

It took Williams, the former King and the NHL’s all-time leader in penalty minutes, just 14 minutes 16 seconds to get thrown out of his first game with the Whalers.

Is this guy serious?

Said winger Tomas Sandstrom of the New York Rangers, subject of a rumored trade that would have sent him to the Oilers for disgruntled Paul Coffey: “I’d rather play on a line with Walt Poddubny than Wayne Gretzky.”