The Last Wish? Playmates, Beer

If you were told you only had one week to live, what would you do? That was the question posed to a number of athletes by the “National Sports Review.” Some answers:

Howie Long, Raiders: “I’d fly around the country and I’d whip everybody’s . . . I always wanted to whip.”

Kirk Muller, New Jersey Devils: “I’d go to Hugh Hefner’s Playboy Mansion for a week.”

Don Carman, Philadelphia Phillies: “You mean if I knew and nobody else did? I’d buy a lot of insurance.”

Lawrence Taylor, New York Giants: “I’d go to Rio or somewhere, lay (sic) on the beach, meet all the pretty girls and take about 100 cases of beer with me. I’d take Budweiser or Miller Lite, either one.”

Charlie Kerfeld, Houston Astros: “I’d get Hulk Hogan, Brian Bosworth, Charles Barkley and I’d have a four-man tag team match with the Four Horsemen.”

Sooner Sage: A few weeks ago in this space, Oklahoma Coach Barry Switzer was quoted as saying, “It has been my experience that the fastest man on the field is the quarterback who has just had his pass intercepted.”

On Saturday, Rodney Peete was living proof. Or have you ever seen the USC quarterback run faster than he did at the end of the half when he ran down UCLA’s Eric Turner? If Peete had been a step slower, USC would have trailed at halftime, 17-0.

Trivia Time: Name the cities and team nicknames of the eight original American Football League teams. (Answer below.)

Peter Pascarelli of The Sporting News had this to say about the Dodgers after the club talked to Steve Garvey: “They probably think it would be good public relations to bring Garvey back to his original team. But Garvey is unlikely to make the Dodgers, a bad team, any better.

“What do expect from a club that is now run by an ex-sportswriter, Fred Claire; an ex-talk show host, Tommy Hawkins, and an ex-resort director, Charlie Blaney?”

Dexter Manley of the Washington Redskins, when asked who he would like to be if he could be someone out of sports, said: “I’d be Marcos because he has about $10 million stashed.”

From Bob Ryan of the Boston Globe: “Hope you didn’t believe any of those ‘Chris Washburn-Turns-Over-A-New-Leaf’ stories this summer. He was thrown out of a Warriors practice by vice president Don Nelson, no less, for ‘general jerking around.’ ”

Said Indiana Pacers rookie Reggie Miller, after facing the Boston Celtics: “I’ve played in the playgrounds of East L.A. with Magic, but this is the first time I had ever seen Larry Bird straight up. There is no question in my mind that he and Magic are the best. They each do so much for their teams. They know the game inside out.”

Trivia Answer: Los Angeles Chargers, Oakland Raiders, Denver Broncos, Houston Oilers, Dallas Texans, Buffalo Bills, Boston Patriots, New York Titans.

Quotebook

Larry Felser of the Sporting News, on Tampa Bay Coach Ray Perkins: “On a personality scale of zero to 10, Perkins hovers around 25 below zero.”