If Lasorda Only Listened to Himself

Joe Garagiola, in his upcoming book, “It’s Anybody’s Ballgame,” tells about the time Tom Lasorda called together his pitching staff at Dodger Stadium and lectured them on bunting and fielding.

“If your record is 10-10, and you learn how to bunt properly, you can win, maybe, two more games and be 12-8,” Lasorda said. “If you learn to field your position, you’ll win two more. So if you do both well, instead of being 10-10, you’ll be 14 and 6.”

After the session, Burt Hooton asked Lasorda what his big league record was.

“0 and 4,” Lasorda said.

“See,” Hooton said, “if you’d learned to field and bunt, you’d have been 4-0.”

When a reader suggested a Dodger lineup to Scott Ostler that had Pedro Guerrero at third and Steve Sax at second, it recalled Guerrero’s classic quote in 1983 when he was stationed at third.

“I’m thinking about only two things when I play third base,” he said. “First, I think, ‘I hope they don’t hit the ball to me.’ Number two, I think, ‘I hope they don’t hit the ball to Sax.’ ”

From Dan Shaughnessy of the Boston Globe: “Did you know that Kirk Gibson has more career homers (150) without a grand slam than any player in history? He also has only 21 assists in 762 games.”

Trivia Time: When Mike Tyson meets Michael Spinks, it will be the first title match between two undefeated heavyweights since when? (Answer below.)

Kiss-of-death dept.: After Red Auerbach called him the greatest player in the history of the Boston Celtics, Larry Bird went 7 for 19 and 7 for 24 in his next two games.

He’s the two-time defending champion in today’s All-Star Long Distance Shootout, but he has hit only 3 of his last 18 three-point attempts.

He wouldn’t admit he’s tired, as some have hinted, but after Thursday’s loss at Milwaukee, he said: “If I shoot like this Saturday, I’ll definitely get some rest. I’ll be out in the first round.”

Add Bird: When they unveiled a life-size statue of him Wednesday night at Boston Garden, Danny Ainge cracked, “From what I heard, that statue was the Larry Bird who guarded Tom Chambers in the All-Star game last year.”

Chambers, of Seattle, was the MVP last year when he scored 34 points in the West’s 154-149 overtime victory.

Said Mickey Mantle when asked what the owners of the new Mickey Mantle Sports Bar and Restaurant in Manhattan were paying him for the use of his name: “Tell you the truth, I don’t know. My agent handles all that. I get to eat here free, that’s all I care.”

Add Mantle: “I don’t know if you know this,” he said, “but I used to live next door at the St. Moritz when my wife wasn’t with me in New York, and this place used to be Harry’s Bar. They called it Mick’s Place because I was probably in here more than I was in my room.”

Laura’s Lament: U.S. Open champion Laura Davies of Britain has been called the longest hitter in the history of women’s golf, but she says, “My problem is I hit my putts as long as I hit my drives.”

After two rounds of the LPGA tournament at Boca Raton, Fla., she trails Nancy Lopez by 12 strokes.

Trivia Answer: Aug. 1, 1987, when WBC and WBA champion Mike Tyson (30-0) met IBF champion Tony Tucker (35-0).

Quotebook

Michigan basketball Coach Bill Frieder, asked what he thought about the antics of guard Gary Grant, who has been known to play to the crowd: “He can do whatever he wants. After the season, I’m going to marry him.”