School Gopher Joke Turns Into a Serious Business

Simi Valley School Supt. John Duncan was joking when he told district groundskeepers he would pay a $1 bounty for every gopher tail they brought to his office.

But some of the groundskeepers took the statement seriously, and two weeks later the gopher tails are still coming in.

There were 45 of them by Thursday, said Assistant Supt. Mary Beth Wolford, who was given the task of tallying the gopher-tail total.

‘They Took It Seriously’

Though he had spoken in jest, Duncan said he stands by his offer.

“I was telling them about . . . the tremendous gopher problem that exists on the playing fields. I simply indicated that if anybody had any great ideas related to the gopher problem, I would like to hear them. And that, as a matter of fact, I would offer a dollar a head to small-game hunters,” Duncan said.

Fearing that others might try to get in on the act, Duncan stressed that the offer was made only to groundskeepers.

“They took it seriously, I guess,” the superintendent said of the groundskeepers. “We will be paying the bounties.”

Last Wednesday, one groundskeeper turned in 30 gopher tails. And on Thursday, Margarieta Greitzer turned in a bag of five, raising to 15 the number of tails she has snipped off and turned in.

“I’m going to turn in as many as I can as long as they’re offering a dollar a tail,” said Greitzer. “They’re already dead, and I just clip off the tails. They don’t feel no pain.”

Like other groundskeepers, Greitzer inserts a baited trap into gopher holes to kill the rodents.

Greitzer called the gophers “vicious little boogers” that will attack a hand reaching into a burrow. The gophers scare children, can carry rabies and dig holes that, if stepped in, can cause sprained or broken ankles, she said.

Trigger Erosion

Duncan said the school district has had a gopher problem for 14 years. He said the rodents cause erosion on fields and loosen soil on lots where aging sprinkler systems are failing to irrigate the grounds.

“I can’t even name a school that has an adequate irrigation system,” Duncan said. “The gophers exacerbate the problem” by burrowing through dry ground.

Duncan said part of the money the district would gain if a $35-million bond issue passes in April would go to replacing sprinklers.

The gopher bounty is not intended to replace the district’s ongoing effort to eradicate the rodents, said Henry Needham, director of maintenance, facilities and operations for the district. Gophers are only a major problem at nine of the district’s 26 schools, he said.

Needham said groundskeepers have trapped more than 400 gophers at the district’s elementary schools over the past four weeks. So far, only two groundskeepers have turned in tails, however. The number of gopher holes at those schools has dropped by 40% in that time, Needham said.

The rodents can breed up to seven times a year, with litters of 3 to 11 offspring, Needham said.

Wolford said the district is gearing up “to hit the gophers hard” in the warm spring months when gophers most often breed. “But if you’ve ever dealt with gophers, you know that when you zap them, they come right back again.”