PCAA’s Real Problem Is the Game, Not the Name

Frankly, I totally disagree with the PCAA Council when it says the conference has a name recognition problem. That’s nonsense. Now if only I could recall what PCAA stands for, I’d tell you why.

Wait, I remember: Pacific Coast Athletic Assn. --but maybe not for long.

Seems a majority of the council members are thinking about changing the conference name. They want something a little snazzier, an acronym with sequins, something to attract attention across the country.

And here are the options: The council wants to ditch the time-honored PCAA for--ta-da--the Big West Conference. Or worse yet, the Wild West Conference.

I’m not sure, but isn’t there a state law forbidding this sort of thing?

At its most recent meeting, the council agreed that more study was needed before a decision could be made. More study? How does the council feel about a comprehensive sobriety test? . . . A good CAT scan or two?

And if I’m James A. Haney, I’m thinking twice about becoming the new conference commissioner. I’m thinking that maybe it wasn’t so bad directing the Missouri Valley Conference. After all, that Peoria is beautiful this time of year. Maybe I also don’t like the way the council is staring at my middle initial.

Someone got to the council, someone with a brain the size of a beer nut. Why, this someone asked, do we have to have a conference name that’s geographically incorrect? New Mexico isn’t on the Pacific coast.

No, but it would like to be.

And who cares what’s where? The last time I looked, Arizona wasn’t bordering the ocean, but there’s Arizona State and the University of Arizona in the Pacific 10 Conference.

I’m scared. What happens if the PCAA Council reconvenes in May and decides to really drum up some publicity?

SANTA ANA--In an unexpected twist in strategy, council members abandoned plans to change the conference name from PCAA to Big West or Wild West. Instead, members voted to rename the conference Jerry West.

“We just felt that if you’re going to have a great basketball conference, you’ve got to have a great basketball name,” one member said. “When Jerry’s name came up, it clicked. We’re so pleased.

“Other nominees included the Adam, Hoss and Little Joe Conference and the Mae West Assn.”

Granted, the PCAA has a bit of an identity crisis. If you didn’t know better, you’d think it’s either a Christian cable station or the last four letters of a Scrabble game. Too many A’s, maybe.

And it didn’t help that the former commissioner, Lew Cryer, thought so much of the conference that he left for the Professional Rodeo Cowboys Assn.

I’ve done some research, and so far, the Big (fill-in-the-blank) Conference appears to be the national favorite. Big East. Big Ten. Big Eight. Big Sky. Big South.

Big deal. In an effort to salvage the PCAA, why not compromise? Out-big Big. Here we go:

The Incredibly Large, Almost Too Huge to Comprehend Pacific Coast Athletic Assn.

So it needs a little work.

What the council really needs is a better conference, not a better name. You can only do so much when the PCAA basketball marquee always reads “Nevada Las Vegas and Friends.”

Not that the other conference teams haven’t tried. Santa Barbara has had its moments this season, as has Cal State Long Beach. UC Irvine did better than expected; it went so far as to beat UNLV in the conference tournament. Utah State had a year to remember; it reached the final for the first time since 1979 and won its first tournament title. But when it comes time to glance at the weekly top 20 polls, UNLV is usually the lone PCAA representative.

Actually, if the council members want to be fair about it, they’ll place the Big West or the Wild West in the nearest trash receptacle and do UNLV and Coach Jerry Tarkanian justice. How does The Guy With a Bald Head and Sucking a Towel Conference sound?

The PCAA isn’t the only conference that could use a little fine-tuning. Just think what would happen if the council took its lounge act nationwide.

Before: The Sun Belt Conference.

After: The Sansabelt Conference.

Before: The Southwest Conference.

After: The Big Enchilada Conference.

Before: The Pac-10 Conference.

After: The Big Easy Conference.

Before: The Big Sky Conference.

After: The Cumulus Cloud Collection.

Before: The Ivy League.

After: The Big Ascot Conference.

Before: The Big East Conference.

After: Yo, Da Big East Conference.

Before: The Ohio Valley Conference.

After: OVal.

Before: The Southeastern Conference.

After: The Al Gore-Jesse Jackson Conference.

It doesn’t have to be this way. If the PCAA Council can change names, it also can change its mind. No one has written Wild West or Big West in stone, yet. So before it’s too late, how about this one:

Before: Pacific Coast Athletic Assn.

After: Pacific Coast Athletic Assn.