Laimbeer Heads NBA Wizards of Whining

In a story headlined, “A Fine Whine,” Bill Laimbeer was picked by Mary Schmitt of the Milwaukee Journal to head her NBA All-Whiner team. Danny Ainge and Moses Malone were next, followed by Charles Barkley, Magic Johnson, Tom Chambers, Kelly Tripucka and Isiah Thomas.

Of Magic, she wrote: “He has a sort of running dialog with the referee. He’s a good actor. That comes from playing in Hollywood.”

Selected for the Whiners Hall of Fame were Rick Barry, Oscar Robertson and Billy Cunningham.

“Barry,” she wrote, “is in a class by himself. He’d have his own wing in the Hall of Fame. He even complains in old-timers’ games, and those are supposed to be fun.”

Add Whiners: Kevin Loughery and Doug Moe were picked as the coaches, but former Philadelphia 76ers general manager Pat Williams nominated Dick Motta.

“Dick never thought his team committed a foul,” Williams said. “But Dick really loved those referees. He sent them cards every Christmas--in Braille. He was always kind to them at Chicago Stadium. He’d help them feel their way into the gym.”

Add Ainge: Norman Chad of the Washington Post wrote: “I’ll lay 4 to 1 odds that Danny Ainge yells at the officials when he’s watching the NBA Finals on TV from home.”

Wait a Minute: Said CBS analyst Billy Cunningham after a string of missed free throws Thursday night: “No excuse for that.”

Combined, the Lakers and the Detroit Pistons shot 72% from the line. Cunningham, as a member of the 1966-67 Philadelphia 76ers, voted the best team in NBA history, was 69% from the line. In the playoffs he was 66%.

Said Kurt Rambis before Game 2, when someone asked him if he’d like to “take a shot” at guarding Adrian Dantley: “I’d like to get a shot at guarding anybody.”

Trivia Time: Fifty years ago today, when Cincinnati’s Johnny Vander Meer beat Boston, 3-0, in the first of his consecutive no-hitters, who was the Boston manager and what was the team’s nickname? (Answer below.)

Bob Babb, coach of the Johns Hopkins baseball team that has been playing in the Soviet Union, told the Baltimore Sun: “In Leningrad, we were told not to drink the water unless it had been boiled. We drank a lot of Pepsi and mineral water. The food was wild. They served raw fish with Jell-O on top, which the players promptly called, ‘Jellofish.’ ”

Change-of-Tune Dept.: According to Wallace Matthews of Newsday, promoter Bob Arum, trying to enhance Iran Barkley’s credibility before the Thomas Hearns fight, said: “Iran Barkley never fought any crumbos or tomato cans.”

Said Arum, gloating, after Hearns was knocked out: “We had Barkley from the beginning, when he was fighting tomato cans on ESPN.”

From Cincinnati Reds owner Marge Schott, denying that she is about to fire Pete Rose: “Everyone wants to beat a dog when he’s down. But I’m fond of dogs.”

Wonder how Pete took that one?

Trivia Answer: The Boston manager was Casey Stengel, and the team was nicknamed the Bees.

Quotebook

Marv Dunphy, U.S. men’s volleyball coach, on an international edict that players, not ballboys, shall wipe sweat off the floor during play: “You didn’t see Pele mowing the lawn, and I don’t think we should have our players wiping the floor.”