RESTAURANTS : <i> ... and the Wine Flowed Like Tears </i>

Assembling the wine for a new restaurant is a chore that ideally should be left to professionals. Of the few professionals in the business of creating wine lists, most work for wine wholesale houses.

Naturally, that makes restaurateurs suspect their motives. If a restaurant owner asks a wholesale wine representative which Champagne he should carry, the rep may well suggest one from his wholesale house. And then the restaurateur immediately says to himself, “Oh, well, he’s just saying that to make a sale.”

To avoid such problems, most restaurants leave the wine list to amateurs. Often the result is a disjointed and somewhat humorous thing that, among wine lovers, raises eyebrows and creates table talk.

Langan’s Brasserie offers such a list. It appears to have been assembled by the Marx Brothers, with all the concern for the menu that Groucho had for a “Duck Soup”script.

While it must be said that this list isn’t generally overpriced, the apparent house policy is to mark all bottles up at least 2.5 times, regardless of the wholesale cost of the bottle. (This puts Roederer Cristal Champagne at $160. Come on. . . .)

Many selections appear to have come from the ether and prompt a number of questions.

Why should it have only one Zinfandel (Grgich 1984) and price it at $21?

Why did the restaurant’s original list in June offer the 1984 Chateau Montelena Cabernet Sauvignon when in fact the wine won’t be released until September?

Why would the wine list offer you a number wines by the glass--ranging from Cuvee George Duboeuf red and white ($3 a glass) to Taittinger Champagne ($7 a glass)--but have no White Zinfandel by the glass? (White Zinfandel is one of the most popular aperitif wines these days.)

Also, the White Zinfandel by the bottle is 1986 (!) J. Lohr at $9. The 1987 has been on the market for many months. What’s this? A close-out?

For purists, there are other irritants: no vintage dates on three sparkling wines or on four of the still wines.

A final gnat is the spelling: it’s not very good. Chateau Gruaud Larose is spelled Gruard La Rose ; Sancerre lacks of one of the r ‘s; Gavi di Gavi is spelled Gaui di Gaui ; and other spelling errors make this a list for the wine trivia expert: spot the misteaks.

Owner Kit Marshall says the wine list here follows the tradition of the list at Langan’s in London. But the Los Angeles version is larger--Langan’s across the pond has but 12 wines. And the tone of the list was set elsewhere: French and Italian wines outnumber those from California.

I guess this means that the owners, using the same formula, feel diners in London and Los Angeles have identical proclivities.

There are some nice little pluses about this list. One is finding the lovely 1986 Simi Chenin Blanc, though the pricing ($11) is a touch high. Best red wine value is the 1978 Ghemme from Brugo at a fair $16.