Mets Aren’t So Sure-Fire Anymore

Tom Lasorda’s eyes were beginning to glaze over and his voice was rising to a hellfire-and-brimstone pitch. He was rehashing the little postgame speech he had given to his Dodgers a few minutes after Monday afternoon’s routinely preposterous victory over the amazed Mets.

“You’re a team of destiny!” Lasorda roared, cords popping out on his neck. “You’re a team of character and strength!”

You’re also a team that’s so giddy with the events of early Monday morning, a 12-inning win over the Mets, and Monday afternoon, a 9-inning win over the Mets, that you’re probably starting to believe your manager’s bombast.

You are a team that has no business being alive in the National League playoffs, let alone holding a 3-2 lead going into tonight’s game at Dodger Stadium.

The Oakland A’s are openly praying for you to lose this series as you’re supposed to, so they won’t have to be saddled with a second-rate opponent in the Fall Classic.

The experts who broke down the National League championship series into individual matchups are a little miffed at your impertinence. Look, if it’s Keith Hernandez vs. Mickey Hatcher, or Gary Carter vs. Rick Dempsey, shouldn’t the Mets be running away with this thing?

“You want me to be a psychologist,” Met center fielder Mookie Wilson said when asked to explain the Dodgers’ current state of mind. “Of course, they’re hungry. People underestimated the Dodgers, particularly the press.

“If you want people to do something better than normal, tell ‘em they can’t do it. Right now the Dodgers are surprising to everyone but us.”

You Dodgers are so pumped full of helium that even cheap shots can’t wound you now. Don Baylor of the A’s has indicated that his team wants to play the Mets in the World Series, because the Mets are the National League’s best team.

“That’s what makes America great,” Lasorda said of Baylor’s quotes. “We live in the land of opportunity and freedom of speech. There’s nothing wrong with him saying that.”

Freedom of speech wasn’t such a glorious concept to Lasorda when David Cone’s ghostwriter used it to poke gentle fun at Jay Howell earlier in the series.

But when things are breaking your way, you can overlook such small slights as the American League champions looking down their noses at you.

And things are definitely breaking for you Dodgers.

Early Monday morning, you beat the Mets. Later Monday morning, you learned that your ace relief pitcher, Howell, who was serving 3 days to life for first-degree pine-tarring, will get off a day early for good behavior.

Also Monday morning, an unidentified chemist phoned Lasorda in his hotel room and put to rest any lingering doubt that Jay Howell might be a cheater.

“A chemist called me and told me that rosin is pine tar that is powdered,” Lasorda related.

I’ve heard of a team having good chemistry, but you are the first team I’ve know that has a good chemist.

Maybe this chemist also believes the moon is made of green cheese, but his phone call to Lasorda no doubt convinced you Dodgers that your strength is the strength of 10 because your collective heart is pure.

Howell didn’t cheat, he was simply a victim of chemical semantics.

Everyone is also impressed, Dodgers, with your luck and your attitude.

Admit it, you’ve had a break or two. Gregg Jefferies, the Mets’ rookie third baseman who could probably leap over Alfredo Griffin’s car, couldn’t hop over a ground ball that bounded maybe 6 inches off the dirt.

Jefferies was running from second to third, in front of shortstop Griffin, when the routine ground ball brought him down like the arrow that nailed Achilles. That cut off a Met rally in the eighth inning.

“The ball, Alfredo and me were just kind of meeting,” Jefferies explained.

The ball, Alfredo and Jefferies are going to have to stop meeting like this, or people will say you Dodgers are lucky.

Not that anyone thinks you’re simply lucky. You’ve scored first in every game. You’ve taken the Mets out of their game, taken the edge off their aggressiveness, forced them to play a tamer, more frustrating brand of catchup ball.

You do seem hungry. Kirk Gibson steals second base on one leg, a human pogo stick. Orel Hershiser warms up in the bullpen, ready to drag his billion-dollar arm into the game 3 days in a row, like a common laborer.

John Shelby makes a great diving catch in center field. Mike Marshall, the forgotten Dodger, gets himself on base 4 times.

“They’re playing the game the way it’s supposed to be played,” said Met slugger Darryl Strawberry. “You got to do the little things. Notice a guy like Mickey Hatcher. He’ll sacrifice for the ballclub. Maybe we’re not doing that enough. Everybody wants to be the hero.”

This has to be very depressing stuff for the Oakland A’s. I understand that if you Dodgers win the pennant, the A’s will offer to spot you 2 or 3 runs a game in the World Series, just to make it fair. They’ll also make Jose Canseco bat left-handed.

Not that it’s all over for the Mets. Who knows what bizarre twist of fate may interject itself into the series when it returns to Los Angeles tonight?

“Short series, strange things happen,” Keith Hernandez said. “Strange things happen.”

Either he said that twice or there was an eerie echo.

Clearly, the Mets are looking over their shoulders to see what’s coming next, and baseball is a game of flinches.

You Dodgers should keep the Mets off balance. How about if Lasorda lets Jay Howell start tonight, instead of saving him for short relief?

Howell has been killing the Mets. He’s eager and well rested. Why not get his 3 shutout innings up front, give yourselves a great chance to jump into the lead again?

It’s a little unconventional, but this is no time to start playing it straight.