Victim of Turkey-Man and a Ballet Review

My apologies to those who attended the Moscow Classical Ballet’s performance of “Swan Lake” Oct. 13 at the Pasadena Civic Auditorium.

Many in the audience saw what appeared to be a man attacking a woman in Row O. That was me--but it was Martin Bernheimer’s fault.

It all started the week before, when The Times’ music/dance critic reviewed a “Swan Lake” performance by the Soviet troupe at the Orange County Performing Arts Center (“Balletic Vaudeville From Moscow,” Oct. 6).

My first mistake: Before the start of the Pasadena performance, I recalled Bernheimer’s comment about the evil character Rothbart masquerading as “a giant turkey.”

My second was breaking into hysterical laughter when the giant turkey appeared as promised, flapping away.

And, I suppose, trying to smother my laughter by burying my face in my date’s neck was yet another error on my part.

I tried to explain everything to Patty as the turkey-man flapped. She had not read the Bernheimer review, saw no humor in the situation and responded with a lightning-quick elbow to my trachea.

Now there were two turkey-men in the theater: Rothbart gracefully wielding his wings and me in my chair, clasping my bruised windpipe, fighting for oxygen.

People around us were glaring. A woman nearby gasped and pointed.

The next day, I tried unsuccessfully to find a copy of Mr. Bernheimer’s review so I could mail it to Patty. She had refused to believe that a “professional journalist” would write such a thing. She called me a liar and said I owe everyone an apology.

Well, I’m sorry.

Now I’m hoping that Mr. Bernheimer will send Patty a copy of his review. I’d send one myself but I’m told by Patty’s mother that her daughter is no longer accepting calls or correspondence from me.

MARIO GARCIA

Northridge