Ladies and gentleman, The Boz has left the dressing room!
He’s not talking. Not now. Not in his swirling, twirling purple and black bicycle shorts. You want to talk to the Boz, you wait.
Yes, Brian Bosworth has left us, but his memory lives on. Unfortunately, for the rest of the Seattle Seahawks, so does the 31-10 loss to the Rams Sunday at Anaheim Stadium.
“We just didn’t make the plays today,” Seattle Coach Chuck Knox said.
Your team made plenty of plays, Chuck. It’s just that a healthy portion of them were bad.
Your star running back, Curt Warner, fumbled on the first play from scrimmage and the Rams recovered on your 14 and scored on a Greg Bell run 4 plays later.
On your next possession, quarterback Kelly Stouffer was intercepted by Mel Owens. Stouffer ended up completing 16 of 24 passes for 101 yards and 3 interceptions.
“I’ll take the blame for this,” Stouffer said.
For what? For 13 penalties totaling 123 yards? For Norm Johnson missing a 33-yard field goal? For defensive backs being burned for 37- and 32-yard touchdown receptions, respectively, by Robert Delpino and Aaron Cox?
“If there’s someone you want to blame, I’m telling you to blame me.”
Kelly, you’re still in first place in the AFC West . . . but we’ll have to cut away, because Brian Bosworth has left the showers! Yes, he’s left the showers and it looks like, yes, he’s eating an orange!
And everyone is watching him eat that orange, what a character! He’s still not talking, but then, this guy is big, bigger than football itself. What else can you say about a guy whose portrait was flown behind an airplane over Anaheim Stadium on Sunday, hawking his autobiography currently on the best-seller list.
And don’t you think he deserves it? He made 3 unassisted tackles Sunday. Those 3 tied him with 3 other teammates for third in that category.
And how about those Seahawks? They’re 4-4, have lost their last 2 games, and they’re still in first place. Well, tied with Denver, which lost to the Pittsburgh Steelers, 39-21, Sunday.
“We’re in an ugly first place,” Stouffer said.
Kelly, don’t knock it. The Rams knocked you guys all over the place, outgaining you 465 yards to 296, and what did it get them? They’re still in second place behind New Orleans.
“I really don’t feel like I’m on a first-place team right now,” Warner said. “I don’t know what’s going on in the AFC West. I don’t know who’s to blame on our team.”
Oh, but wait, yes, The Boz is talking, yes, he’s talking to . . . the equipment man! And it looks like they’re having a great time. He must of said one of those funny Boz things he’s always saying.
Most of the players are filing out of the locker room, but none of the reporters have. They know the wait for the Boz will be well worth it.
The Boz is now at his dressing cubicle and it looks like, yes, he’s dressing! What a guy!
Thirteen reporters are standing about 10 feet away, watching Boz put his pants on one leg at a time just like everyone else.
But, come on, this is the outrageous, bodacious Boz. All the other Seahawks have gone and one of the equipment men says the team bus will leave in 5 minutes, but the reporters stand in silence waiting for the Boz.
“Never have so many watched so few get dressed,” someone says.
Wait! The Boz has motioned the reporters forward. Oh, this is going to be good! And he’s wearing those reflective glasses!
The first question is about the sore left shoulder he’s been playing with for weeks.
“I don’t want to talk about my shoulder,” he says.
The next question is about his sore left shoulder.
“No comment on my shoulder.”
The next question is about being 4-4 and in first place.
“I guess we’re lucky. But I’d rather be good than lucky.”
And he’s walking, heeee’s out the door. He’s gone.
That’s it? They got a whole book out of this guy?
Well, maybe he’s just feeling a bit smug. He has a right to, after all. His team is in first place.