Home, Hearth Call Out at Christmas

As far back as they can remember, Dan and Dave Skinner have celebrated Christmas in the same house with the same parents repeating the same traditions.

“Every single Christmas, we each open one present on Christmas Eve, and then open the rest of our gifts the next morning,” said Dan, 28, who with his twin brother goes home to mom and dad every Christmas.

“Mom and dad” are Anaheim residents Vivian and Robert Skinner, the proud parents of two Orange County lawyers. “I love my baby boys,” Vivian Skinner said. “Christmas wouldn’t be Christmas if they didn’t spend it with us.”

When Thomas Wolfe wrote that you can’t go home again, he must have forgotten about the holidays. ‘Tis the season for many unmarried offspring such as Dan and Dave to return to the nest and relive childhood memories.

About this time of year, the Skinner house looks like a Hallmark card. Boughs of tinsel deck the halls and doorways; a flocked tree twinkles in the den; reindeer and creche scenes adorn the tables. It’s not even Christmas yet, but Vivian Skinner has whipped up a big bowl of eggnog to honor her baby boys’ Sunday visit from Newport Beach.

“We’ve always been a close-knit family,” said Dave, who specializes in commercial litigation. “I’ve never once experienced a Christmas away from home. Sometimes we go on a ski trip over the holidays, but we always wait to leave until after Christmas.”

Family traditions such as spending the holidays together provide emotional stability, said UC Irvine administrator Katherine Johansen, 29, who celebrates Hanukkah with her parents in Tustin.

“In your relationship with your parents, there’s a constant that’s hard to find anywhere else; most relationships in life are unstable and transitory,” Johansen said. “It’s fun to go back to the place where you are accepted and loved just for being yourself.”

The holidays lend ever-evolving life a continuity, Dave Skinner said. “We’ve both been through a tremendous amount of change over the last few years. We were in law school, and then we started our practices. It’s good to know that you can always go home to your parents, where everything stays the same.”

Ellen Hoover, 25, who teaches fifth grade at John Tymes Elementary School in Placentia, will fly to Newton, Iowa, next week to spend Christmas with her parents and four siblings.

“I wouldn’t miss it for the world,” she said. “The kids in my family are spread out all over the United States, so Christmastime is a family reunion for us. Even when I have children of my own, I hope to share Christmas with my parents.”

Nothing changes at the Hoover household from one Christmas to the next. Although all five children are well into adulthood, “Santa” still signs the gifts.

“I’m the youngest by 7 years, so my parents especially treat me like a child when I go home,” Hoover said. “But it’s getting better. They’ve finally started calling me ‘Ellen’ instead of my childhood nickname, ‘Peedee.’ ”

For some singles, that regression to parent-child interaction can become annoying.

“I know that I’m 50% to blame, but within about 24 hours of being home, my parents are talking to me like I’m 13 years old,” said Geoff Keating, 33, a Los Angeles writer who grew up in Santa Ana.

“I’m their last unmarried child, so they waver between doting on me at Christmas and treating me like I’m pathetic.”

“I don’t think I’ll really feel the magic of Christmas again until I have children of my own,” said Marsha, 31, a Newport Beach accountant whose family lives in San Diego. “To tell you the truth, I’m getting a little tired of going to my parents’ house for Christmas and opening presents from Santa on Christmas morning. I’m ready to be the one who plays the role of Santa.”

Will the younger Skinners still travel the freeways home each Christmas Eve once they have children of their own?

“I intend to stay in Orange County, so I imagine I’ll bring my kids over--though I suppose it’s important to have your own traditions too,” said Dan.

But the brothers agreed that they would also carry on their parents’ traditions.

Said Dan, “I’ll still be opening one present on Christmas Eve when I’m old and gray.”

When Will I Be a Grandmother?

Vivian Skinner, whose sons are quoted in today’s Single Life, makes no bones about the fact that she’s ready for her boys to produce grandchildren. Undoubtedly, many a parent out there can relate to her enthusiasm. As adult children postpone parenthood into their 30s, they consequently postpone their own parents’ grandparenthood. Moms and dads of unmarried grown-ups, are you hankering for the pitter-patter of little feet? Grown-up children, are your moms and dads dropping less-than-subtle hints?

The Road to Romance

Sure, you’ve heard of life in the fast lane, but how about love in the fast lane? How many of you indulge in a little freeway flirting now and then? And how many of you have actually dated that attractive stranger one lane over? Is cruising for love a craze whose time has come?

Best Friends

Almost everybody has that one special pal in whom they can confide. What makes your best friend your best friend? As a single, do you think it’s all the more important to have close buddies?

Send your comments to Single Life, Orange County Life, The Times, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, Calif. 92626. Please include your phone number so that we can contact you. To protect your privacy, Single Life will withhold correspondents’ last names when the subject is sensitive.