The Road Not Taken Was the Right One

A few readers have complained about my reports on our recent tour of New England, feeling that I did not fully appreciate its scenic wonders.

W. J. Plumley of Laguna Beach writes that I owed my readers more than “a dreary recital from the back of a bus of the common tourist complaints of tasteless lobster, cold weather, and the inept Mets. . . . Excitement is still out there. All you have to do is get your nose out of the crossword puzzle.”

Plumley enclosed an account of his own New England tour in October a year ago, to prove that “exciting and sometimes humorous things do still happen to tourists.”

His report, called “Leaf Peepers Strike Out in Maine,” has been published in a Chevron house organ. His first paragraph hints at his disenchantment.

“We lifted off from John Wayne Airport at 7 a.m. (on the day of the Whittier earthquake). Our destination was New England to join other turkeys for the fall frenzy of leaf peeping.”

They stopped first in Schenectady, N.Y., for an uneventful visit with relatives. Then, “disaster struck without warning with New England’s earliest snow storm in 150 years. Breaking tree branches sounded like popcorn as wet snow brought chaos to the state’s power system, knocking it out of commission for three days.

“We escaped Schenectady and headed east, only to find our escape route through Massachusetts cut off by snow and fallen trees, requiring a detour through southern Vermont, which eventually brought us to Kennebunkport Harbor in the state of Maine.

“In addition to a peculiar dialect spoken by New Englanders, their road system offers unique challenges for Californians. Unlike the logical road numbering system used on the West Coast, New Englanders insist on at least five numbers for each highway; and to make matters worse, the numbers change every few miles.

“Which led us to Portland, Me., where we planned a quick bypass on the way to that famed New England mecca, L.L. Bean. One mistaken turn on Portland’s outskirts led to disaster. Hopelessly lost, we tried to get out of town on the Maine Toll Road.

“Geologists are experts in map reading, but something went terribly wrong. Not once, not twice, but three times we got on and off the toll road (for a fee, of course), each time going in the wrong direction. The third time off was the coup de grace. We found ourselves trapped on Portland’s main street in the middle of a marathon!

“Several hours later we finally got out of Portland and joined the crowd at L.L. Bean and the colorful New England countryside. Leaf Peeping. Try it. You’ll like it. It’s awesome!”

Plumley does seem to have had a lot more adventure than I had. One of the troubles with going on a bus tour is that there is very little chance of getting lost, which eliminates some of the fun. My wife and I were driving through Spain and Portugal at the same time the Plumleys were driving through New England, and one of the joys of the road was getting thoroughly, hopelessly, forlornly lost in every city. There were moments--no, hours--when I despaired of ever finding our way out of the maze of those medieval streets.

But our New England trip was almost as much fun as Plumley’s. It didn’t snow, but the weather was really nasty in Boston, and, as I have related, I elected to stay in the bus rather than walk two blocks through the rain to see the historic North Church. I also declined to leave the bus for a tour of the U.S.S. Constitution. But I saw it through the rain-streaked window.

Actually, though, I enjoyed being in the bus. It was cozy and dry, and the driver parked by a Dunkin’ Donut shop so I could have a cup of coffee and nibble on a doughnut while I worked my crossword puzzle. Anyway, I had already seen the North Church through a telescope on top of a skyscraper across the street from our hotel. The telescope is zeroed in on the church so you can’t miss it.

In writing about our travels I suppose I tend to dwell on the comical and the unpleasant. But I think that travel ought to be comical and unpleasant, or what’s the point of it?

I never did finish the crossword puzzle.