Clinkers Among the Pop Notes of ’88

Everybody hooted last January when Texas record producer (and legendary self-promoter) Major Bill Smith concocted an Elvis Presley birthday tribute, “Hey! Big E. Happy 53!,” claiming The King had faked his death so he could live in anonymity.

But Major Bill had the last laugh. In a year when Brian Wilson, Patti Smith and Jimmy Page’s comebacks flopped, Elvis had the biggest revival of all, making tabloid headlines, starring in Priscilla’s best-seller and being celebrated in a musical about his life.

By the end of the year, you got the feeling Elvis was on tour again--popping up at Burger Kings in Kalamazoo, car washes in Georgia and the parking lot of a Las Vegas hotel. In August, WCVG in Cincinnati switched to an all-Elvis format. In September, Cheap Trick’s “Don’t Be Cruel” became the first Elvis re-make to go Top 10. In November, Priscilla and Lisa Marie did an Olds ad. In December, an L.A. Elvis impersonator announced plans to turn his San Fernando Valley home into a mock Graceland.

Even without Elvis, 1988 was a banner year for pop follies. So let’s celebrate the music world’s clown princes in our yearly round-up of dubious achievements, inglorious moments and show-biz scams.

PRESENTER OF THE YEAR: Beach Boy Mike Love, who livened up the 1988 Rock and Roll Hall of Fame Awards by noisily blasting Mick Jagger: “We did 180 performances last year. . . . I’d like to see Mick Jagger get on stage and do ‘I Get Around’ rather than ‘Jumpin’ Jack Flash.’ Mick’s always been chicken to get on stage with the Beach Boys.”

JAIL SENTENCE: To the Yugoslav folk singer who was sentenced to 60 days in jail and fined $80 for refusing to sing “Comrade Tito, We Pledge to You That We Will Not Swerve From Your Path,” an official state song glorifying Marshal Tito, founder of the country’s Communist Party.

PRINCE FAN: Richard Nixon, who titled his latest political tract “1999.”

NATIONAL ANTHEM PERFORMANCE: Saxophonist Kenny G, whose anthem rendition at the sixth game of the National League playoffs here was blasted as “unbelievably terrible” by Dodger second baseman Steve Sax. “I can’t believe it. It was the worst I ever heard. I could have played it better than he did,” said Sax, who was so upset that he shook his fist at G while walking back to the dugout. Dodger right fielder Mike Marshall added: “It was a disgrace to America.”

QUOTE, PART 1: Debbie Gibson: “On Halloween, I had a party where we had a seance. We tried to contact Liberace and Sid Vicious.”

DRUG BUST: Reporting that soul legend James Brown was charged for possession of the hallucinogenic drug PCP after a car chase through two states this fall, Rolling Stone quoted a Georgia Highway patrolman who said that when arrested, Brown “started singing ‘Georgia’ and was doing his ‘Good Foot’ dance when we gave him the sobriety test.”

GRAMMY ACCEPTANCE SPEECH: Best Female Country Vocal Performance winner K.T. Oslin, who told the press: “I’m so excited that I feel like I’m going to throw up any minute now.”

PUBLIC ADDRESS ANNOUNCER: Paul Strelzin, announcer for the Texas League’s El Paso Diablos, was ejected from a game against the Jackson Mets after infuriating umpires by repeatedly playing the verse “I’ve been cheated, been mistreated” from Linda Ronstadt’s “When Will I Be Loved” after a series of close calls at first base.

BACKSTAGE STIFF: When ex-Ollie North secretary Fawn Hall asked to meet Bruce Springsteen backstage at his Washington concert, she received a note saying: “I didn’t think much of Ollie North, so why should I want to meet his secretary?”

QUOTE, PART 2: Terence Trent D’Arby: “I’ve had three lives: The first time I was an Ethiopian pirate around 600 BC. Then I was an 18th-Century painter. The last time I was a very talented but unsuccessful country and Western singer.”

RAMONES FAN: Celebrated Manhattan preppie-killer Robert Chambers. He donned a shoulder-length wig and imitated Ramones leader Joey Ramone singing “Rockaway Beach” on a videotape that an ex-girlfriend sold to a local New York TV station, which aired the clip earlier this year.

SUBPOENA: When contestants in a lawsuit involving former MCA artist Donnie Iris couldn’t persuade MCA Records chairman Irving Azoff to testify in a lawsuit hearing, they served the industry mogul with a subpoena at the Forum during half time of a Lakers-Spurs playoff game.

DEEJAY: After the Baltimore Orioles lost 10 straight games, Baltimore morning deejay Bob Rivers swore he would stay locked in his WIYY-FM studio until the team won a game. He ended up stuck on the air for 258 straight hours until the team ended its record 21-game losing streak last April.

WORST BAND NAME: Johnny Hates Jazz.

MOLL: Dolly Parton, who totes a gun--legally--and said she pulled it out of her purse when accosted by a man when she was walking in New York this summer. “I pointed it at him and told him if he didn’t take a hike, I’d turn him into a soprano.”

LED ZEPPELIN FAN: Spago impresario Wolfgang Puck, who apparently forgot that Jimmy Page was the band’s guitar hero. When ex-Zeppelin singer Robert Plant was in town for a summer concert appearance, Puck presented him with a guitar-shaped pizza.

QUOTE, PART 3: Washington Wife crusader Tipper Gore: “I love rock ‘n’ roll. I was one of the earliest Springsteen fans. I played drums in high school. You’re talking to someone who really understands rock music.”

EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW: During last year’s February sweeps, KABC-TV ballyhooed a chat with ex-Beatle George Harrison as an “exclusive” interview--even though Harrison complained throughout the story about “all these interviews” he had been doing.

MANAGER: Doc McGhee, whose management firm handles such pop superstars as Bon Jovi and Motley Crue, pleaded guilty last January to importing 40,000 pounds of marijuana, worth $9 million, into the United States. The indictment came weeks after McGhee and partner Doug Thaler were named personal managers of the year in Pollstar magazine’s Readers Poll Awards.

OVERSTATEMENT: When the American Cinematheque screened the rarely seen Sex Pistols documentary, “The Great Rock ‘n’ Roll Swindle” in January, festival organizers ballyhooed the showing as “the last U.S. screening ever.” This came as a surprise to Julien Temple, the film’s director, who quipped: “What are they going to do--burn it?”

FRAGRANCE: John Lennon’s first wife, Cynthia, took advantage of the hoopla surrounding her late husband by launching a new fragrance, Woman perfume. The fragrance was named after the song “Woman,” from Lennon’s “Double Fantasy” album, even though the ballad was written for Yoko Ono, the woman Lennon left Cynthia to marry.

REUNION: When the Stray Cats held a press conference in August to herald the band getting back together after a four-year layoff, the group somehow neglected to mention that they had recorded a reunion album two years ago--which stiffed.

MAGAZINE ISSUE: Spin magazine’s November issue, which contained a free condom in each copy as a symbol of the editors’ support for safe sex practices.