‘Sneaks’ Attack: The Parody

Here are the movies that were left out of last week’s Sneaks ’89 synopses in your Sunday Calendar. Well, they’re not really real movies . . . but they well might be: “Cop on the Edge”--James Woods is a complacent L.A. cop who has just moved into a brand-new cliff-top showplace he likes to call “The House That Bribes Built.” But the word on the street is, the next time there’s a quake, somethin’s goin’ down. With Morgan Freeman as Woods’ only friend, an ex-cop turned seismologist, and Lou Diamond Phillips as the psycho whom Woods helped put away who’s out of prison now and jumping up and down on the fault line in front of Woods’ driveway. With Kiefer Sutherland. (Action Int.)

“The Crass Menagerie”--Menahem Golan has achieved his dream of 30 years--to direct this Tennessee Williams classic. Sylvester Stallone is the Gentleman Caller. No money left for additional cast members. (Cannon)

“Harry and Bayer”--A film in which, we’re told, the legendary Harry Houdini (Frank Stallone) faces his greatest challenge. The plot: An outcast high-school science whiz (Corey Feldman) transports the magician to the present and miniaturizes him to see if he can escape from a bottle with a child-safe cap. Steven Spielberg exec-produces. Directed by some young person picked at random by Spielberg from the Universal Tour tram. (Universal)

“High Concept”--Action meets comedy when John Candy’s blueprints for an orbiting high school are mistaken by Soviet agents for the secret plans for SDI. John Milius scripts, from a cocktail party wisecrack by John Hughes. Hughes directs and sings the theme. (Paramount)

“I’m Outa Here”--Modern-day fairy tale with shades of “Here Comes Mr. Jordan” and “Heaven Can Wait” stars Kiefer Sutherland as a fine young dude who’s been offed before his time and puts up absolutely no argument. Kiefer Sutherland writes. Kiefer Sutherland produces. Kiefer Sutherland directs. (Kiefer Sutherland Studios)

“The Importance of Being Ernest . . .” and “. . . Vern”--Dennis Quaid and the Royal Shakespeare Company come to art houses with overlapping pieces of world cinema. Each tells--from one three-hour camera angle--the rags-to-riches story of Jim Varney. Vern: Randy Quaid. (Cannon)

“Mrs. O’Leary”--Fire, martial arts, reincarnation, revisionist history, Old Chicago and a lead role with Oscar written all over it. Shirley MacLaine plays the legendary O’Leary, here passionately in love with the man whose soul she believes is imprisoned in her famous cow (kick-boxing champion Jean Claude Van Damme). MacLaine co-scripts (with Francis Bacon and Clifford Odets). (Trans World)

“Ocean’s 11”--Remake of Sinatra/Rat Pack classic reunites the cast of “The Breakfast Club,” here together to celebrate the birthday of Danny Ocean (Anthony Michael Hall), who has just turned 11. (Distributor pending)

“Red Cent”--An impoverished half-breed drifter (Matt Dillon) finds a penny that belongs to the mob. If they want it back, they’re going to have to kill him. No director yet. (New World)

“Thumbs Up!”--New Burt Reynolds project designed to get around the problem of how to get Burt at least one positive critical phrase in the movie ads. Plot pending. (Distributor pending)

“Untitled Dirty Eddie Murphy”--Although the exact plot was unavailable at press time, it’s certain the sparks and swear words will fly when Dirty Harry Callahan (Clint Eastwood) is partnered by special order of the President with Axel Foley (Eddie Murphy). Also starring Kiefer Sutherland. (Paramount)

“Woody Allen’s ‘Nam Picture” (working title)--With Mia Farrow, Sam Waterston, Dianne Wiest, Gen. William Westmoreland, Kiefer Sutherland. (Orion)