HIGH LIFE: A WEEKLY FORUM FOR HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS : Teen-Age Parents : New Responsibilities Weigh Heavily on 2 Young Couples

For most teen-agers, the toughest part about high school may be deciding whether to go out for the football team, passing their driver’s license test, deciding who to ask to the prom or passing a few exams and quizzes along the way.

But some are forced to make mature decisions before they become adults. Of Orange County’s 81,083 girls ages 15 to 19, 3,049 gave birth in 1986, according to Adolescent Pregnancy ChildWatch, a volunteer survey of local health and community groups, churches, schools and government agencies.

The report said that in 1986, one in 27 girls ages 15 to 19 gave birth, slightly fewer than in recent years. But in the same year, 40 children were born to mothers ages 10 through 14, up from 24 in 1970.

Eric and Cathy (who asked that their real names not be used) and Laura LaFlamme--all 1988 graduates of Capistrano Valley High School in Mission Viejo--are among those for whom parenting has come early.

A tall brunette walked across a football field during a windy graduation ceremony last June. The breeze pressed her gown against her stomach, which was becoming round as a baby grew inside.

As Laura LaFlamme, 18, walked in front of hundreds of spectators, she endured stares and whispers.

“I just kind of put my chin up and walked across,” she said. “I think I would’ve been really upset with myself if I hadn’t.”

A month later, Laura gave birth to her daughter, Amber. When she discovered that she was pregnant, Laura and her fiance, Steve Carter, 20, considered both abortion and adoption. In fact, they were at the abortion clinic when they decided to keep their child.

“She waited 3 1/2 months before she told me she was pregnant,” Carter said. “You just don’t wait 3 1/2 months and not know that you will probably have it. So I took her out to lunch, and we decided not to have it done.”

Laura said she had never discussed birth control with Steve. “Of course I knew (birth control) existed, but I thought (pregnancy) wouldn’t happen to me,” she said. “That was basically the attitude I’d taken, which was obviously the wrong attitude. In a way I do regret it. I think back and say, ‘Gosh, what if I had done this or that,’ but it was my own mistake and since I did get myself into this situation, I’m glad I made this decision to keep the baby.”

Laura found the difficulties of attending school while pregnant to be minimal.

“It wasn’t really that hard if I was with my friends, but when I was alone I would sort of put my books in front of my stomach,” she said. “The faculty and students were really nice. They really showed a lot of support.”

However, Laura found it hard to continue a positive relationship with her parents.

“They don’t accept Steve; they don’t talk about him. It angers me,” Laura said. “I live with him. I like to talk about things we do, but I can’t.”

Dealing with their daughter’s pregnancy hasn’t been easy for Roberta and George LaFlamme. “We were very disappointed,” Roberta LaFlamme said. “We had trusted her and her boyfriend. My husband thought she was quite immature for her age. He went into a real depression.”

Roberta LaFlamme acknowledges that neither she nor her husband has accepted Steve as a member of their family.

“I think he planned the whole” pregnancy, she said. “It was his way of holding on to Laura. She should have been stronger. Hopefully, she won’t marry him.”

The LaFlammes did not see their daughter for the last 5 months of her pregnancy and have only seen their grandchild about five times in the past 6 months.

“I don’t think she’s too happy where she is,” Roberta LaFlamme said of her daughter. “We want her to live at home and go back to school.”

Laura moved out of her family’s house a year ago and lives with Steve and his mother in Laguna Hills. “If I had wanted to (move back home) in the first place, I would have,” Laura said. “But I don’t think I could live away from Steve.”

Steve works for a health maintenance company in Laguna Hills, and Laura has become a full-time mother and a part-time baby-sitter of other children. She said she and Steve plan to marry within the year.

Laura added that she would like to attend college someday and earn a diploma.

“I think education is really important, but I don’t really know what I’m going to (study). I’m really undecided. (Not continuing my education) came with my making the decision to have my baby.

“I’m still young. I can go back maybe when Amber is in kindergarten. Right now, my life is fulfilled. I’m happy.”

Eric and Kathy, both 18, had known each other throughout high school and began dating their senior year. The couple had planned to marry next August, but because their baby is due next month, they decided to get married last December.

“It’s been tough, time-consuming, and I’m worried,” said Eric, who has worked full time as an electrician since high school graduation. “How am I going to support a wife and kid? I’m growing up fast.”

He couldn’t turn to his family for support. “It was World War III with my parents,” Eric said. “They are stuck on (my getting) a college education, building a foundation and not struggling to have a home your wife can come home to. They just don’t care how I feel. They kicked me out of the house. As long as I went to school, they paid for everything. . . . Not anymore, though.”

Not every family member turned against Eric. His grandmother supported his decision to marry, but his parents and brothers were not as sympathetic.

“They kind of despise Kathy,” Eric said. “They say she took me away from my family. I’m totally sure of my decision to get married, though. I love her a lot.”

Eric’s father said his son’s decision to get married and raise a family will be detrimental to his future. “Eric had so much going for him,” his father said. “It’s hard enough to go out and find work with a diploma. Without one, it puts much more of a strain on the relationship.”

Eric plans to attend Saddleback College on a part-time basis--attending night and summer school--and work toward a degree in engineering. Kathy, who works part time at a preschool, hopes to take child development classes.

Eric’s parents were against the couple marrying from the start. “We took them out to dinner and we asked what (Kathy) really wanted out of life. She said she wanted to get out and start a family,” Eric’s father said. “There was no real ambition.”

Eric’s parents went so far as to accuse Kathy of getting pregnant to trap Eric, a claim she flatly denies, adding that she didn’t try to get pregnant.

“I can’t take any blame,” Kathy said. “I didn’t make him do anything he didn’t want to do.” When asked why the couple hadn’t used any birth control, Kathy said, “We never really thought of it or thought that we would be the ones.”

Said Eric’s father: “The initial reaction to Eric’s decision to marry was one of shock and disbelief. Then when we were told of the pregnancy, the shock was too much to bear. I don’t know what response I had.”

Eric’s decision to marry affected his parents deeply, but it virtually ended the close relationship he had once shared with his twin brother.

“We can no longer be close to each other,” Eric’s brother said. “He’s restricted on time--taking care of his wife, his family. He has to be more responsible.”

The day of his wedding, Eric said, he was full of all sorts of emotions, ranging from love and excitement to sadness and anxiety. “I thought, ‘What am I getting into? What does this all mean? No more single life.’ It was a scary thought. I couldn’t believe it, but it happened.”

Originally, Eric’s family was not going to attend the wedding, but they decided to go, as his father put it, out of a “respect for Eric.”

Indeed, Eric now faces the struggle of maintaining a balance between being an 18-year-old, a husband and a father-to-be.

“Right now, I’m climbing up walls,” he said. “I try to kid about it. It’s not going to do any good to dwell on the bad. Sometimes I get down, and I feel I can’t be a good father or that I’m not ready for the world. But I’m happy and I’ll never regret it.”