OPENING DAY : ‘ . . . Buy Me Some Peanuts and Cracker Jack . . . ‘

Opening Day is not a good day to be an employer.

Such annual afflictions as 24-hour plague, long-gone flu and elective brain surgery are laying up more employees today than on all the rest of the days of the year combined.

Opening Day is not a good day to be a teacher. The behavior of students on this day is only slightly less sociopathic than that of rioting inmates--or Christmas shoppers.

Opening Day is, however, a great day to be a baseball fan. Because on this lone day, all things are possible:

The Boston Red Sox will finally go all the way.

The Chicago Cubs will finally go all the way.

The Pittsburgh Pirates will win the division by 50 games.

The New York Yankees will have only one manager. (Another good thing about Opening Day: you’re allowed to get carried away.)

Yes, Opening Day is always bright with promise. Yes, it is as personal an American celebration as Thanksgiving or the Fourth of July. It signals a subtle shift in the rhythm of our everyday lives. But it is more, much more.

Opening Day is Presidents:

William Howard Taft began the presidential custom of throwing out the first ball in 1910. Franklin D. Roosevelt did it eight times; Dwight D. Eisenhower, a former West Point outfielder, got the nod on seven occasions. Harry S. Truman had the best arm, make that arms. Truman was ambidextrous, and in the 1950 opener he tossed out the first ball left-handed, then came back with a right-handed delivery. In comparison, Lyndon B. Johnson didn’t have much of an arm, but had a major league appetite and woofed four hot dogs after his fling.

Opening Day is great players:

Ted Williams hitting .449 in 14 openers.

Darryl Strawberry crushing one against the Montreal Expos in Olympic Stadium last year that was still going when it hit the 160-foot high cement ring surrounding the roof.

Bob Feller throwing a no-hitter against the Chicago White Sox in 1940.

Babe Ruth winning his first three starts as an Opening-Day pitcher for the Red Sox, and going on to hit .422 in 18 openers.

Roger Maris clubbing two homers on his first Opening Day as a Yankee in 1960.

Don Drysdale becoming the only pitcher with two home runs on Opening Day.

Opening Day is the ballpark:

The smell of fresh-cut grass. Hot dogs. New uniforms. Flapping flags. Faded caps atop graying heads. Kids with mitts tied to their belts.

Opening Day is forever:

No matter what they do to the game: the DH, the shag carpeting, the dome homes; no matter how boorish the players become: the sleaze, the drugs, the greed; baseball survives, even thrives.

Opening Day is a big chill:

“Play ball.”