Theme Parks : Sunday in the Parks With Calendar : The Queen Mary / Spruce Goose: Oh, What a Way to Go

Welcome to Sunday in the Parks with Calendar--the Sequel. And please fasten your seat belts.

For our second annual survey of Southern California’s major theme parks, our intrepid reporters visited the parks on a recent Sunday, unannounced. Accompanied by family or a friend, they bought tickets, stood in lines, sampled the park’s rides and menus and withered in the heat.

Afterward, they put in calls to the various park publicists for assistance in compiling our comparison chart. (Some of those publicists would have preferred that we attend their parks during special “media days”--when the parks operate without a glitch and are especially clean and when we might have been wooed with “cuts” in line, as well as special edibles.)

It’s no surprise that Sundays in the park have changed since the serene turn-of-the-century depiction “Sunday Afternoon on the Island of the Grande Jatte,” by French artist Georges Seurat, (the inspiration for our illustrations). In fact, Sundays keep on changing, as the parks continue in their mania to always be one step/ride/attraction ahead of the competition. So how do they measure up? Read on:

The Queen Mary and Spruce Goose are kind of the Grand Canyons of transportation without the mules--although you might wish you had one about halfway through your visit.

Any enjoyment at the Long Beach double feature hinges on your personal whelm (over, under or not at all) factor. Oooh, what a big ship! Oooh, what a big plane! Oooh, what a big anchor! Oooh, what do we do now?

What we have here is a shopping center bracketed by a ship and a plane, one that makes you think the Beverly Center is missing the boat by not charging admission.

It’s about as much a place for a family outing as the Bonaventure Hotel and maybe a lot less fun for the kids because at least the Bonaventure has those neat rocketlike elevators.

Except for the escalators, there are no rides and, except for the antiaircraft gun on the upper deck of the Queen Mary, little to excite the kids--and little attempt made to, either. Even what passes as entertainment (not-so-look-a-likes for Clark Gable, Mae West, Jack Benny and W.C. Fields strolling the decks) attests to that. (“Who’s Clark Benny, Dad?”)

“Our demographics are definitely not younger people,” said a Queen Mary/Spruce Goose spokesman.

But, in fairness, there is a lot to interest adult trivia and history buffs--on the Queen Mary if not on the Spruce Goose.

The ship itself is history and the photographs and other displays of her glory days are fascinating. You can almost conjure up images of Cary Grant, Noel Coward, the Duke and Duchess of Windsor and others of the posh set who actually trod these same first-class decks--until you bump into the pretzel stand (“schlepp on a little more mustard, dear fellow; Her Highness adores it”).

The plane is another matter.

Here’s a craft that cost the government millions of dollars and was designed to carry troops overseas during World War II. But, of course, it wasn’t completed until two years after the war, and then flew only about a mile at about 70 feet off the water. Which means it would probably best be described as an oddity, rather than a historical object.

History buffs might also have difficulty recognizing the sugar-coated Howard Hughes in the slide-show presentation of his life. (“A legend in his own life, a dreamer who made his dreams come true.”)

In order to get a look at the Spruce Goose, you must first sit through (make that stand through) a slide presentation of the craft’s history, including its mini-flight in rapid stop-action. (Why the films of the flight aren’t shown is a mystery). The screen then rises and, lo!, thar she blows.

After strolling around the Goose and the number of displays, you can do a little shopping for such items as a Spruce Goose glider ($9.95) or a Howard Hughes hat ($34).

In all, there are 29 shops and 16 restaurants/snack bars in the complex, including Londontowne, which is separate from both attractions. It contains 15 shops, ranging from the Scottish Heritage Center (family crests, tartans and souvenirs) to a UNICEF store.

The most bizarre offering, however, we’ve saved for last. As you exit the Queen, there sits a photography stand where for only $3.95 you can have your picture taken in front of a rather poorly done painting of the ship.

We recommend you slip outside and have one taken in front of the real thing.