Who’s Responsible for and What’s to Be Done About ‘Kids Out of Control’?

Jane Martin, from the Juvenile Hall in Sylmar, is quoted in “Kids Out of Control” (by Bob Sipchen, May 18) as asking, “What went wrong that so many of the kids society produced now have come back to haunt us? Where along the line did we lose control? And how did our priorities change?”

First, let me correct Martin and tell her that society doesn’t produce children. Parents produce children. Let me also tell Martin what went wrong. Parents for one reason or another no longer dedicate themselves and make personal sacrifices in order for their children to have the best possible lives.

When parents of yesterday and today make their children their number one priority, there is no need to think in terms of “controlling” them.

Recently, there has been much written about losing control over our kids. I believe that control is not what we want to do to our children. I control my dog. I support my children. Parenting should not be thought of in terms of controlling kids, but in terms of loving and supporting them. And teaching them self-control.

It is precisely because kids feel controlled that they become so rebellious during their teen-age years. They want to break the chains. If we think in terms of controlling our kids, we are really saying, “I don’t trust you.” If we would only trust our kids right from the beginning, there would be no need to feel that we must control them.

BENNY WASSERMAN

La Palma