FILM REVIEW : ‘Bye Bye Baby’ a Turkey for Connoisseurs

Among the Z Channel programming probably being least mourned in the L.A. cable channel’s waning days is the infamous “Night Owl Theater,” a slot usually filled by badly dubbed soft-core sex comedies from France, Italy and other countries where the very idea of adultery on the sly provokes anarchic giggling.

Were our beloved Z still around a year or two from now, “Bye Bye Baby” (citywide) would surely show up in that slot. About half the actors’ lips form around apparently Italian syllables, though English words come out; the plot is nothing more than an endless, deja vu -provoking cycle of cheating lovers; the profane and daringly banal dialogue seems almost wholly improvised, junior Cassavetes-style, by these English-as-a-second-language actors; and it seems designed as a sex comedy, though there’s not much sex and even less comedy.

It might not be too egregious an example of crying “wolf” to warn at this point that “Bye Bye Baby” is just about as howlingly rotten as any movie ever made. As such, it does have its laughs, for which the Italians can’t take all the credit. Also on board to show a little skin (but not too much) for the foreign market are two American leads who can’t possibly have imagined that this would ever get a release in their homeland: B-queen Brigitte Nielsen, about whom little can be said that hasn’t been already, and Carol Alt, who falls a little shy of making the leap from “supermodel” to superactress here.

The best moment comes early on when, in the middle of a passionate speech delivered in a bra and hospital smock, Alt flubs a line; a real trouper, she just repeats it and goes on under Enrico Oldoini’s assured one-take direction. Alt is playing a sensuous nurse who gets divorced from her philandering husband. He proceeds to hook up carnally with pool shark Nielsen, then gets back together with Alt on the side. “I think it’s really funny that I’m the mistress of my ex-husband!” exclaims Alt. Little does she realize how funny.

For most sane cinemaphiles, “Bye Bye Baby” (MPAA-rated R for a little nudity and plenty of crudity) will seem like a bad, bad dream, thanks to the unplotted, circuitous rounds of adulterous breakups and reunions and the same two pop songs repeating at five-minute intervals on the sound track. But turkey connoisseurs, fortified with good humor and strong drink, could conceivably have a good time with it or, then again, could just wait for the Blake Edwards remake.