No. 1 Spot Left Vacant in Memory of Mildcats

The Colleges

The No. 1 spot in the Bottom Ten will remain vacant this week out of respect for Kansas State, which ended a 16-game losing streak and a 30-game winless streak by beating North Texas on Saturday. So long, you vicious Mildcats.

Victories by the Gophers and Vikings displaced last week’s leader--the entire state of Minnesota. However, two of the region’s teams, the Twins and Timberwolves, clung to Nos. 9 and 10.

Meanwhile, tough times continued for Notre Dame Coach Lou Holtz, who said on national television after the Purdue game that his second and third teams performed miserably. Equally beleaguered Tom Osborne, the Nebraska coach, begged his supporters after the Purdue game: “Hang with us, don’t give up on us. We’re going to get better.”

Nastiest rooting section honors went to Yale. When University of Connecticut band members held up signs that spelled out, “Sue, Marry Me, Love John,” on behalf of a spectator at halftime, Yale boosters retorted by chanting, “Just say no.”

The Rankings:

Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Vacant Idle Idle 2. Texas (1-2) 12-16, Penn St Rice 3. Michigan St (1-2) 20-26, Miami (F) Iowa 4. N. Dame (4-0) D. Purdue, 40-7 Stanford 5. LSU (1-2) Def. Ohio U., 57-6 Florida 6. Fla. St. (2-2) Idle Syracuse 7. Clemson (4-1) 17-21, Duke* Virginia 7 1/2. W. Va. (4-0-1) 0-22, Pitt** Va. Tech 8. Nebraska (4-0) Def. Ore St, 35-7 Kansas St 9. Twins (80-82) 1-3 Seattle Idle 9. T-wolves (0-0) Idle Opener

11. Yale Cheering Section (0-1) (Booed sign that said “Sue, Marry Me, Love John,”; Sue later said yes to John); 12.-14. Miamis (Fla., Ohio, Idaho) (4-4); 15. Ohio State (2-1); 16. Houston (held to 88 yards rushing by Temple); 17. Auburn (2-1); 18. Iowa (outgained by Tulsa, 394-283); 19. Columbia (1-3); 20. Cal State Zsa Zsa (0-1).

*Clemson, a 16-point favorite over Duke, wins Comedown of the Week honors.

**Given a half-ranking after blowing a 9-31 halftime lead to tie Pitt, 31-31.

ROUT OF THE WEEK: Kansas State (1-3) over Nebraska (4-0).

QUOTEBOOK: Kansas State defensive end Maurice Henry, describing the on-field celebration after the Wildcats edged North Texas: “Little kids were biting my ankles.”

FAKE PUNT OF YEAR: When Cal punter Robbie Keen faked a kick and threw a long pass, UCLA returner Shawn Wills called for a fair catch. (He let the ball bounce instead.)

The Pros

In the aftermath of another wild display from Cleveland’s “Dawg Pound,” Brown management promised to take action to end the fans’ practice of throwing dog biscuits onto the field. The team plans to announce before the opening kickoff that the Browns have been fed a pregame meal and thus require no further nourishment.

The Cleveland-Denvelway game was so rowdy that even the officials got into an argument. When one linesman put his arm around referee Tom Dooley, Dooley shoved it off. As the Dawg Pound rampaged out of control, Dooley had the teams switch end zones, which apparently accounted for Cleveland quarterback Bernie Kosar’s 23-yard run. “He had the wind,” explained Brown kicker Matt Bahr.

Kosar doubled his five-year rushing total in one game, increasing it from 33 to 66. Let’s see Eric Dickerson do that!

Controversy also dogged the Dolts-Jets game when an apparent touchdown by Indy’s Dickerson was reversed by an official who said that he was stopped just short of the Jimmy Hoffa Memorial End Zone. Dickerson admitted that his knee touched the ground at the one-yard-line though “no one touched me.” Eerie.

The Rankings:

TRUMP DIVISION Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. N.J. Jets (1-3) 10-17, Indy Raiders JUST LOSE, BABY, DIVISION Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Raiders (1-3) 20-24, Seattle Jets BEATHARD’S TEAM* Team, Record Last Loss Next Loss 1. Dallas (0-4) 13-30, Giants Green

* Ex-Skins GM Bobby Beathard said Sunday that the Cowboys may go 0-16 this year.

BOZ METER*

Team Record 1. With him in lineup (12-12) 2. Without him (6-2)

*Seahawks record since drafting injury-prone Brian Bosworth.

SPECIAL MONDAY NIGHT CRUMMY GAME OF THE WEEK: N.J. Jets (1-3) vs. Homeless Raiders (1-3).

SPECIAL CITATION: Philadelphia’s Luis Zendejas inadvertently lofted the shortest kickoff of the season, a pop fly that landed at the 28-yard line of the Bears.

SCROOGE AWARD: Phoenix owner Bill Bad Will, discussing team ticket prices (which average $36) after Sunday’s poor turnout of 44,201 fans: “We don’t have any plans to alter ticket prices. Things like knothole plans (selling tickets to kids for $5) seem to get out of hand.”