NO DICE: Gearing up for a couple...

NO DICE: Gearing up for a couple of local concert dates, heavy-metal comic extraordinaire Sam Kinison has been making the rounds, stopping in at the China Club Monday night (where he roared through a particularly venomous rendition of “Wild Thing”) and--amazingly--showing up at 7:45 a.m. for a chat with KLOS-FM morning brats Mark & Brian. The highlights: Kinison denied a report that he had his bodyguards beat up a loudmouth at a recent Don Henley concert (“It was one of my fans--when they threw him out, he yelled ‘We got him S-A-A-A-M!!!”). He also did not deny having an affair with Jessica Hahn, took a call from a 4-year-old fan (who sang his version of “Wild Thing”) and helped out a young listener in trouble with his folks by phoning his mom and wooing her, Kinison-style, by suggesting that he drop by with a bottle of vodka and “a thousand milligrams of Valium.” But Kinison really got revved up at the mention of vile-comedy rival Andrew Dice Clay, whom he gleefully mimicked (“Hickory dickory dock, I’m the new comic trying to take over rock, I stole my image from Sam, I’m all a big scam”), ridiculed (“I remember Andy when he was doing John Travolta tributes”) and scorned (“It’s a bitter war. I hope he experiences death by cancer from the inside. I hope his stomach explodes! AWWWWGGHHHH!!”).

We figure the ball is in Dice’s court now. When Mark & Brian offered Kinison a pair of tickets to Clay’s Forum show this week, he bellowed: “I WOULDN’T WIPE MY WINDSHIELD WITH THEM!!!”