The Bejeweled Pooches

Queen Elizabeth II serves her precious pooches their chow in silver bowls. And at bedtime, the little corgis sleep in their own beds in their own room at Buckingham Palace, covered by tiny tartan blankets.

But on Park Avenue, the haute dogs (and their high-priced owners) wouldn’t settle for simple silver or plain wool.

They’re into jewelry.

David Holland, a 35-year-old jeweler, has created a line of fine (and some faux) jewelry for the Bonfire bow-wow set that starts at $80 for simple gold plate and tops out at $5,000 for an 18-karat gold necklace.

Jewelry is for the parade of pretentious pooches that have grown bored with their weekly $65 shampoo-and-clip sessions and those long chauffeur-driven rides to the country.

“This is serious,” says Holland, who shows his wares in black velvet presentation boxes.

“People feel guilty about leaving their pets alone so they buy something, and it makes them feel better,” says Holland, who wears one of the doggie chokers as a bracelet.

That little something might be a $725 cultured pearl necklace, a $450 string of lapis lazuli beads or a $240 necklace of simulated (glass) sapphires or rubies.

“I put the necklace on and explain it to the dog,” says Holland, quite seriously. “I say, ‘Look how beautiful it is.’ And they walk around differently. They sit up straighter.” They also look like something right out of a bordello boudoir.

Sometimes, he uses a mirror to show the pooch the new look.

King Charles Cavalier Spaniels, who exude that Old Guard attitude, look best in natural crystal ($525), while high-stepping white poodles can carry off the flashier simulated stones that are fastened to 18-karat gold-plated chains.

And then there’s the serious pooch problem of sexism.

“A lot of people have this weird idea that male dogs don’t wear jewelry,” Holland says. “They think the dog is too butch.”

Well, that’s just not the case at all, he said.

A sporty retriever can wear a heavy silver link necklace ($350), but not in the street, please.

“They’re not for outdoor wear,” says Holland, who won’t let his miniature Schnauzer, Edel, wear her jewels out the door. After all, then Edel would probably need a boxer bodyguard.

And what about those who might, just might, say that doggie jewelry is another example of Fall of the Roman Empire Syndrome?

“Well, then they certainly shouldn’t buy one,” he says.