They Fail Math, but Pass Addition

Goodby, Bo, hello, Joe, me-o-my-o. Son of a gun, we’re having big fun in the Big Ten Plus One.

The very same week Bo Schembechler announced that he no longer would be coaching Michigan football beyond the first day of the 1990s, his conference, the Big Ten, invited Joe Paterno’s Penn State to pledge the fraternity.

This is good news for the Rose Bowl, even if Paterno retires from coaching before Penn State becomes eligible to play in Pasadena, as appears will be the case.

The Rose Bowl needs some new blood, seeing as how the same visiting teams--Michigan and Ohio State, usually, with occasional walk-ons by Iowa, Illinois and Michigan State--keep coming back and coming back.

Since we are tired of waiting for Wisconsin, Purdue, Minnesota, Indiana and Northwestern to show up, we welcome the chance to catch Penn State’s act out here on New Year’s Day. We will be glad to see the Nittany Lions, ugly uniforms and all.

Any school that once kept Miami from winning a national championship is OK by us.

We still aren’t sure about the Big Ten’s big picture. Will it still be called the Big Ten and not the Big Eleven? Are they worried that people would confuse the Big Eleven with a convenience store? Will Northwestern get the old heave-ho? Will a 12th school be recruited to keep the schedules balanced?

A little bird has been whispering the word Nebraska in my ear, attempting to persuade me that the Cornhuskers are unhappy in the Big Eight.

What a football conference that would be--the Big Ten plus Penn State and Nebraska. Beats the heck out of the AFC East, I can tell you that.

The school that should join the Big Ten now is an obvious one--Notre Dame. Ideally located, adequate in all sports, economically desirable, Notre Dame would be the perfect 12th partner for the Big Ten.

The only drawback for the Irish is that it would weaken their football schedule.

How about a Rose Bowl between Notre Dame and USC? Think anybody would come to see it? Isn’t it about time Notre Dame stopped being ineligible for the Rose Bowl?

The Pac-10 hasn’t done any better than the Big Ten in bringing new teams to the Rose Bowl party. The day we see Stanford, Cal, Oregon or Oregon State in a Rose Bowl will be the day Northwestern’s entire booster club travels to the West Coast by space shuttle.

So, we applaud the Big Ten for its initiative. Penn State is a fine addition to anybody’s schedule. And the Nittany Lions have never been afraid of a little competition. They obviously figure: If you can beat ‘em, join ‘em.

I know some people already are troubled by the idea of a conference with 11 schools calling itself the Big Ten.

All I can tell you is, in a world in which Atlanta plays baseball in the National League West and football in the NFC West, anything is possible.

Charlotte and Utah are both in the NBA Midwest. So, I figure the Big Ten can call itself anything it likes.

Meanwhile, let’s address this Bo Schembechler business.

After decades and decades of Woody Hayes and Schembechler, the Big Ten is finally due for some peace and quiet. We have seen the last of these outstanding examples of sportsmanship and character who hurl their caps to the ground, cuss at referees and kick sideline markers.

USC followers are justifiably concerned that the Rose Bowl odds have turned against their Trojans, since the gallant gridders of Ann Arbor intend to go out there and win one for the Schemmer.

Well, I figure it this way:

There is no way--no way--USC is going to lose this Rose Bowl game.

I make the Trojans an absolute lock on New Year’s Day, and recommend to everyone to take any action you can get from anyone willing to wager on the Wolverines.

See, it’s the USC team that is deciding to give Bo Schembechler a proper send-off.

What better way to pay tribute to Bo than to send him out the way he came in--blowing the Rose Bowl?

“This one’s for you, Bo,” the Trojans will say, as Todd Marinovich throws for another touchdown, as Mark Carrier picks off another pass, as Tim Ryan bumps some poor little Wolverine right into the coaches on the sidelines.

The Trojans respect Bo. They want to do what’s right by him. They want him to feel at home in his final visit to Pasadena. They want to take him to Beverly Hills to feed him Lawry’s prime rib, take him to Anaheim to meet Mickey and Goofy, then take him to Pasadena to put the finishing touches on his cavalcade of defeats.

It’s their holiday gift to you, Bo. Have a nice 1990.