A Trump Card and an Ace Up the Sleeve
Dear Mr. Trump:
We love it that you love L.A. As soon as we picked up our Sunday paper and saw--right there on Page 1!--your plans to tear down the ratty Ambassador Hotel and build the World’s Tallest Building in its place, our smog-choked chests heaved with pride. Trumpomania, here at last!
Do you wanna know how bad it was before you got here? Here’s how bad: Just last summer we topped off the Library Tower building downtown and thought it was a big deal. Lotsa ink in the local sheets, and it was just a measly 73 stories tall. Now you pop into town, and right off you’re talking 125 stories!
That’s why that scamp John Ferraro (he’s our City Council president) was right on the mark at your press conference when he quipped, “Why did it take you so long to get to Los Angeles?”
And you just smiled like a chipmunk at that one. Heh, heh, you old faker. That stuff in New York, Trump Tower and all, that was just in prelude, wasn’t it? And the casinos in Atlantic City, merely a warm-up, eh? Now you’re gonna strut your real stuff, go for the works, and where? Los Angeles! We knew you wouldn’t forget!
OK, maybe it’s true that not everyone loves it that you love L.A. Maybe some grouches have claimed you showed up at your news conference without plans or drawings or descriptions of any of the new buildings, not even a sketch of the World’s Tallest Building. And maybe the grumps wondered why the mayor and two city councilmen agreed to stand around like house plants at your news conference when they didn’t know squat about what you intend or when.
Well, let me give you a little advice: Those nattering negativos don’t mean nothing. Here in L.A., we understand a high concept when we see it. Let the little people deal with details like traffic and congestion and design. Just keep repeating the phrase, “World’s Tallest Building,” and the mayor will show up to play house plant any time you need him.
Now there is one thing I’m curious about. I noticed that, when you bought your share of the Ambassador property, you changed the name of the company from Wilshire Center Partners to Trump Wilshire Associates. And rightly so, of course. People should know who’s ushering L.A. toward its future.
But you didn’t say what you intend to call the World’s Tallest Building and its ensemble of Slightly Smaller Buildings. At first I thought that Trump City would do the trick. That way, see, your development could act as a counterpart to something called Century City, a little thing we built ourselves out on the Westside. Then I realized that was a bad idea. Compared to yours, Century City’s buildings aren’t tall at all, they’re hardly even skyscrapers, and there’s not nearly enough of them.
So I was reading the news stories, looking for clues, when I read where you intend to employ “true California style” in the design of your buildings. This inspired me. How about “La Ciudad Trump,” hmmm? It has that international ring to it. Or “Rancho Trump Deluxe?” Or, if you wanted to pick up on a lost theme of L.A. design, “Tail o’ the Trump” might do nicely. These are just a couple of ideas, of course. We have a lot more if you need them.
I have saved this last matter to the end because it’s, well, sensitive to all of us here in Los Angeles. We understand that, in truth, you have also been working on another proposal for the World’s Tallest Building, and that other proposal is located right smack in the middle of you-know-where. New York. We also understand--and this is where it hurts--that New York’s World’s Tallest Building is planned for 150 stories, 25 more stories than our World’s Tallest Building.
Yo, Don, what goes? Do you understand the insecurities you are stirring up here? Are we gonna be top dog, or is this another case where we get stuck with the old “biggest west of the Mississippi” monicker? We’re real sick of the west-of-the-Mississippi business, Donnie.
Lucky for us, there are solutions to this problem. You could always switch plans and go the full 150 here while you slipped the ol’ 125 to New York. It would make their Tallest Building look like a termite mound, haw haw. This would be a favor we wouldn’t forget, Donnie. We might even let you stick one of your dollar bills in wet cement at Grauman’s, right next to Rin Tin Tin’s paw prints. It’s a high concept to think about.
