Rams Don’t Look So Bad After All

People who benefited most by San Francisco driving 55 in the Superdome:

1. Bettors who took the Niners and gave the points.

2. John Robinson. Suddenly, 30-3 doesn’t look so bad. His Rams beat the 49ers once in 1989, almost twice, and are one of only two teams (Green Bay is the other) to have beaten San Francisco during its 23-3 run since mid-1988.

3. Jim Everett. Boy, that’s some poise in the pocket.

4. The Minnesota Vikings. Their worst Super Bowl loss was only 23-7.

5. Fran Tarkenton. Says John Elway: “At least Fran was in a couple of those Super Bowls. I never was.”

6. Joe Montana. Now Eddie DeBartolo wants to re-sign him at $3 million per.

7. Terry Bradshaw. There it is, he said it, now what are the Broncos going to do about it?

8. The Cleveland Browns. They were spared the rod.

9. Mike Holmgren. Look for the New York Jets to offer the 49er offensive coordinator their head coaching position any minute.

10. John Taylor. A victory for shutting up and putting up.

11. Matt Millen. From the Raiders to the 49ers, in the nick of time.

12. People of taste everywhere. Orange shirts, orange pants, orange shoes, orange hair, orange skin, orange fingernails, orange hats, orange cats, orange dogs, orange juice. Orange you glad it’s over?

People who benefitted least by Denver taking a 10-count:

1. John Elway. Do you get the feeling he should have retired immediately after The Drive?

2. Steve Young. Says Montana: “With this kind of protection, I could play till I’m 40.”

3. Dennis Smith. And Jerry Rice is still untouched.

4. Wade Phillips. A Bum of a defensive game plan, a 55-point blotch on the head coaching resume with every NFL owner paying close attention.

5. The state of Colorado. First the Buffaloes, now the Broncos. In time, the Rockies will tumble. . . .

6. Super Bowl advertisers. They paid $700,000 for 30-second spots nobody watched after the second quarter.

7. Terry Bradshaw. Does he have any Super Bowl records left?

8. Dan Reeves. He was the first to play and coach in losing Super Bowls. Now, as player, assistant and head coach combined, his personal Super Bowl record stands at 2-6.

9. The American Football Conference. Six consecutive defeats by an average margin of 40-14. This is called parity.

10. Nestle. Would you want Elway, Mr. Crunch Time, pitching your Crunch bars?

11. Bronco merchandisers. On the day after, New Orleans gift shops were getting $22 for 49er sweat shirts and watching Bronco sweat shirts die on the rack at $8.90.

12. The Superdome. Four Super Bowls and not a good one yet. The scores: Dallas over Denver, 27-10; Oakland over Philadelphia, 27-10; Chicago over New England, 46-10; San Francisco over Denver, 55-10. Next time around, bet the losers to score about 10 points.

And a special citation to Pat Bowlen, the Denver owner who made himself a regular wrong end of a Bronco during the Super Bowl buildup.

First, he referred to Jerry Rice as a “Chinaman.” Affectionately, of course. Then he described New Orleans as a city unfit for children. Discounting, of course, a certain NFL owner who sat in a New Orleans restaurant last week with a napkin tied around his head and ordered a San Francisco pennant be pulled off the wall so a lady friend could, ever demurely, stuff the pennant down the front of her pants and shout a crudity about the 49ers.

Bowlen also predicted a Denver victory--”It will be an upset if we lose”--proving that he knows as much about football as he does about class.

The 49ers have three Hall of Fame cinches in Montana, Rice and safety Ronnie Lott, but they win Super Bowls with the balance of their roster, easily the deepest in football.

They trade for the best backup quarterback in the league, Young. They move in to snatch a veteran linebacker, Millen, just before the Rams do. They add more Super Bowl experience by adding former New York Giant Jim Burt to the defense.

And they swindle wide receiver Mike Sherrard, who averaged 18 yards a catch as a rookie, away from the Dallas Cowboys. This could be their latest stroke. After breaking his leg twice with the Cowboys, Sherrard was told by doctors he’d never play again.

They said the same thing about Montana.

Last Uncovered Super Bowl Angle Found!

One writer got this follow-up story assignment from his sports editor on Monday: Why is the Super Bowl always a blowout and what can the league do about it?

Ban the Broncos maybe?

Dynasties. They’re back in vogue. The A’s in baseball, the 49ers in football. Back-to-back titles, World Series sweeps, Super Bowl romps.

It’s a great time to be a fan in the Bay Area.

And not so great to be one in Anaheim.