Mayoral proclamations are usually harmless gestures that...

Mayoral proclamations are usually harmless gestures that generate a bit of publicity for a business or cause, not to mention the mayor.

But when Mayor Bradley--and the City Council--declared a Miss Universe Day in honor of this weekend’s beauty pageant in Century City, the action drew a thumbs-down response from feminists.

“It is extremely distressing that society condones this and that the mayor of the country’s second-largest city can’t see anything wrong with it,” said Tammy Bruce of the National Organization for Women.

No mayoral resolution had attracted such flak since Water Bed Weekend ‘83, which prompted the American Innerspring Manufacturers to fly an angry spokesman to L.A. to assert that “a water bed is one of the worst things . . . for a person with a bad back.”

Dick Clark, one of the Miss Universe hosts, expressed confidence that the hubbub would die down because beauty contest protests are no longer “fashionable,” as he put it. Actually, dozens of protesters staged a Myth California demonstration last year at the Miss California competition in San Diego.

Whatever, Clark defended the principals in the current controversy thusly: “They are not air heads.”

He was referring to the contestants, we presume, not to the mayor and the council members.

With those jowls and his constant drooling, Sidney would never win any beauty contests.

You may have seen him on the most recent end-of-the-year special by KNBC sportscaster Fred Roggin. He was the bulldog that had a vicious habit of hijacking skateboards after pushing the riders aside. He’s such a skilled rider that he’s also made a skateboard video.

“He just loves riding--he doesn’t even want to be rewarded with any treats or anything,” said his publicist, Barbara Jo Peterson. “He’s like a kid. The only way you can get him to stop is to take away his skateboard.”

Publicist? Sure. Sidney, who is currently mulling over two feature film offers, also has an agent, a trainer and a business manager.

The winner of this week’s Malathion Poetry Contest is Betty Darling of Pomona.

She requests that we bow our heads so that she may intone, “Let us spray.”

All together now:

Cover your car,

Hide your pet,

Close the windows,

Wash your swing set.

Malathion kills Medflies

And ladybugs too,

But remember this:

“It will never hurt you.”

Still, another type of drive-through:

Beverly Hills police nabbed an alleged bank robber who, at one point during a high-speed chase, detoured into a McDonald’s hamburger stand Thursday. The suspect fled out another exit without stopping at the speaker’s box. Good thing it wasn’t a Winchell’s, or the cops might have lost the scent.

miscelLAny:

Wait till L.A. hears about this: Gardena’s official seal bears the motto, “Freeway City.”