Last Round for Heavyweight Programs in Sweeps

TV or not TV. . . .

STRETCH RUN: A final programming blitz is in store for viewers as the May ratings sweeps end Wednesday.

Tonight at 9, two big TV movies slug it out: CBS’ “Killing in a Small Town,” a mystery about an ax murder starring Barbara Hershey, and NBC’s “Last Flight Out,” with Richard Crenna in a tale of an escape from the fall of South Vietnam.

Wednesday night at 9, all three networks go for broke. ABC pairs a Barbara Walters special with the season finale of “Twin Peaks.” NBC counters with “Cheers,” an hour of “Night Court” and an episode of “Dear John.” And CBS offers Joan Rivers in “How to Murder a Millionaire,” a TV movie set in Beverly Hills.

Joan Rivers vs. “Twin Peaks”? Far out.

IMPOSSIBLE DREAM: All right, did you see it? Will scholars be citing Monday’s finale of CBS’ “Newhart” in TV trivia textbooks? Well, you had to be there.

See, the small Vermont town becomes a Japanese-owned golf resort. But Bob stays. Five years later, his pals, who sold out for big money, return for a reunion. Bob’s wife has gone Japanese. He gets knocked out by a golf ball. Pretty crazy things going on . . . and then. . . .

He wakes up at night, and with him in bed is . . . Suzanne Pleshette, his wife on his previous TV series, “The Bob Newhart Show.” He tells her he had a dream:

“I was an innkeeper in this crazy little town in Vermont. . . . Nothing made sense in this place. I mean, the maid was an heiress. Her husband talked in alliteration. The handyman kept missing the point of things. And then there were these three . . . brothers. Only one of them talked.”

Pleshette: “No more Japanese food before you go to bed.”

End of show. End of series. Very funny. The writers have been watching “Twin Peaks.”

COLLECTOR’S ITEM: And speaking of memorable TV endings, the Arts & Entertainment cable channel reruns the famous 1967 finale of David Janssen’s “The Fugitive” June 8--the showdown with the one-armed man who really killed his wife. And then it shows the whole series again daily starting June 11.

BOOK OF RECORDS: When the finale of “The Fugitive” was first shown--in the summer, for heaven sakes: Aug. 29, 1967--it drew more viewers than any other episode of a TV series up to then. That record was broken Nov. 21, 1980, by the “Who Shot J.R.?” outing of “Dallas.” And then “MASH” became the all-time record-holder to date for a single series episode with its last show on Feb. 28, 1983, which drew 77% of the viewing audience.

THE SKY IS FALLING: So it’s really true--Maury Povich is quitting as host of “A Current Affair” next year to start a talk show. Aw, gee whiz. Just when you get some quality TV, something always comes along to ruin it.

SLEEPER: It’s called “Sisters.” It’s about three grown-up siblings who live and work in New York. It’s on CBS Thursday night at 9. And what a delightful surprise it is--a warm, affecting hour of drama and humor about the relationship of the young women and the problems of their personal lives. It was a series pilot that didn’t make it. Boo. This is a show you could live with each week.

DECISION: KCBS Channel 2 says it has discarded its notion of having a series on home videos on its 11 p.m. news. The station advertised for videos, but news director Michael Singer says, “We just didn’t get enough interesting material, and we decided there were other things we wanted to do more.”

LOCAL COLOR: Producer Barney Rosenzweig set up shop in a warehouse near downtown to shoot “Cagney & Lacey,” and now he’s doing the same for Sharon Gless’ untitled new CBS series about a recently divorced public defender. “He could’ve bought the old warehouse for $400,000 or $500,000 in the past, but now this one would cost $8 million,” says a spokeswoman. Shooting starts June 26--a 13-show commitment if the series makes the fall lineup, eight if it goes midseason.

WOMAN OF THE YEAR: Minus Jane Pauley, the “Today” show continues to slump, and competitor “Good Morning America” is ahead by its biggest margin in six years. In fact, “Today” now is closer to last place than first, finishing with only 3% more of the audience than “CBS This Morning” in the ratings for the week of May 7-11. What “Today” has been missing without Pauley is simple: warmth.

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY: “Kill Your Television,” read a bumper sticker we saw on Olympic Boulevard.

BULLETIN BOARD: Meryl Streep narrates cable’s TBS documentary “A Vanishing Wilderness,” which airs Sunday at 7 p.m. and investigates an oil development plan to drill on the coastal plain of Alaska’s Arctic national wildlife refuge. It repeats Monday at 9:30 p.m.

THE WAY IT IS: Seven out of every 10 TV homes now have VCRs, and more than 56% get cable. Anybody want to buy a network? Anybody want to buy the Brooklyn Bridge?

ROOTS: There’ll be a Steven Spielberg Exhibition Gallery in the new Museum of Broadcasting building in New York. Spielberg, who began in TV directing such shows as “Columbo,” “Duel” and “Night Gallery,” pledged $1 million to the museum.

HE AND SHE: Callers keep asking when KCBS anchors Jim Lampley and Bree Walker got married. April 7, says the station.

VALUES: Most overpriced talent in the world are dead artists and live sitcom writers.

BEING THERE: “I like a wine that fights back,” observed Jonathan Steed (Patrick Macnee) in “The Avengers.”

Say good night, Gracie. . . .