Holtz May Not Have a Phi Beta Kappa Idea

To begin with, you don’t want to underestimate the cerebral endowment of Lou Holtz, football coach at Notre Dame.

Lou has experienced success on the field. He is a philosopher and noted speaker, renowned for his wit.

Thus, you aren’t sure whether Holtz was pulling society’s leg the other day when he observed, quite unblinkingly, that professional sports should set up a chain of 10 academies, at which they would train athletes for their armies.

“If you want to be a professional athlete,” he said, “go to that academy. Preparing people for pro sports is not the role of the universities. We are there to educate people.”

The listener draws back, reflecting on this profound thought. If, indeed, universities are to reject athletes leveling an eye on the pros, the first thing that’s going to happen is that NBC is going to cancel the multimillion-dollar football contract it recently signed with Notre Dame.

Could the network sell Ivy League-type football? If it could, it would have signed a contract with Columbia.

Proceeding only with student athletes, Notre Dame and maybe 100 colleagues embracing what is labeled big-time college football must brace themselves for unoccupied seats in their stadiums, not the automatic sellouts on which they have feasted for years.

And what are they going to say to their angels who are asked to make contributions to the university each year in order to retain choice locations in the stadium?

“Look, Jack,” they are going to say, “all the top players are now attending pro academies, and what we offer is schoolboy football, but we are sure that will not water down your generosity.”

If, as Holtz suggests, the academies are activated, what will be the impact on bowls, from which the universities are dredging millions, and whose bids serve as such an emotional stimulant to team supporters?

Informed the prime players have fled, Federal Express, Mobil, USF&G;, Mazda, John Hancock, Sunkist and Eagle are going to shrug.

“We don’t mind 150-pound quarterbacks,” they are going to say. “Five feet-seven is tall enough.”

“But will they sell delivery service, gasoline, automobiles, insurance and orange juice?” they will be asked.

“It isn’t important,” they will respond. “The only thing that counts is education.”

Now the Associated Press and United Press International are contacted.

“Under the Lou Holtz plan of student athletes,” they will be asked, “will you continue to run weekly polls?”

They will answer: “Running them is easy. The problem is getting someone to read them.”

“And you don’t foresee beefs over which team is No. 1?”

“When cricket season approaches at Oxford,” they reply, “a sign is posted on the bulletin board, soliciting recruits. In some cases, knowledge of cricket is unimportant if one has a car one is willing to use to transport teammates to matches, petrol shared. Cricket has been played at Oxford for 600 years, without a single argument developing over which club in the league is No. 1.”

Now approaches July, the time of year at which drums begin to roll in behalf of Heisman candidates. How much universities spend to promote a hero for the Heisman Trophy rarely is known, because such expenditure is a point of embarrassment.

When candidates are students only, and no prospects for the pros, will promotion budgets change? And will television carry live announcement of the winner?

More important, will he be contacted by Bob Hope?

When Lou Holtz recommends pro academies, he must allow for major adjustments in the lives of the coaches. One adjustment would call for a farewell kiss to salaries spiraling into six figures.

And what kind of radio and TV shows are tendered the coaches of St. Mary’s, Santa Clara, Occidental, Whittier and Pomona-Pitzer, engaged in student football?

Often, arrangements are made with local car dealers for the head coach and his staff to drive new machines, in exchange for promotional opportunities, if not tickets.

Told the team is shifting to student football, the car dealer will give the coaching staff a bus schedule.

Since Lou Holtz is only 53, we don’t like to disillusion him at an age so tender. But he must be informed that we already have pro academies in this land.

They are called Notre Dame, USC, Ohio State, Nebraska, Oklahoma, Clemson, Miami and the like. Pursuing the buck as they do, they serve as idols of the children they shepherd.